Back On Track

I am getting fat.  Yes, I admit it.  My clothes don't fit the way they used to.  Leggings are my clothing piece of choice.  My face looks like that of a cherub.  I am past my threshold weight.  You know that weight that usually knocks me back into my senses to get back on track.  While some might like my squishy and softness, I for one DO NOT.  So what am I going to do about it?  Get back on track!

Maybe the most frustrating thing about losing weight is knowing exactly what you need to do but not knowing whether you have the will to do it.  I once lost 70 lbs.  I know that the perfect combination of diet and exercise will help me drop my extra poundage.  But there is a difference now.  Before I felt like I was on the verge of death.  Let me tell you death knocking on your door is the best motivator.  I was younger then, more determined.  Now it is HARD.  The weight doesn't seem to leave as easier.  Plus, I have realized my love of food has grown with the size of my waistline. lol

Luckily, I know I am not alone.  My friend and I made a pact to get back on it, starting TODAY!  What does get back on track entail?  First, tracking calories.  My favorite free app is My Fitness Pal.  It works very similar to Weight Watchers (I have used WW in the past) except there are no points.  It doesn't mean I have to give up foods, I just need to make smarter choices.  Second, I need to start exercising.  Actually I have been doing this the past few weeks.  I just realized how out of shape I am though.  It makes cardio so unappealing with you are huffing and puffing through an entire workout.  But each day is getting a little better, and eventually I know I will be back to the way that I used to be.

And I don't feel bad for being where I am.  Sure I have had ups and I have downs.  But the one thing I never do is completely give up.  So what if I have to get back on track once a month?  What's the alternative?

Learning About Myself

Dating has it's pros and cons.  The cons can be going on terrible dates, getting rejected, or even getting stood up.  But besides a good meal  and good company there are many pros (besides me writing about my dates).

A few years ago I would have told you that I loved dating.  I used to love meeting new people, going out, and sharing my stories good and bad.  I even thought I was becoming a little bit of a player at one point.  The past few years dating has definitely had its ups and downs.  I am not sure what is the cause for the difference.  I think the change is partially the change in dating pool.  As we get older the pool gets smaller in general.  On top of that finding someone that meets all of your criteria can become even more elusive.  But I think the other issue is knowing what you want and can't tolerate.  The more you date, the more life experience you have, you are more specific in your desire and expectations.  Even with the uncertainty of dating in my 30s, I don't even give up hope.

In my dating experiences I realized that I am starting to learn little things about myself that I had never realized before.  Some of it is good, some of it is bad.  And I realized some of my habits and/or reactions are partially due to my previous dating experiences.

I am scared to get hurt.  I am so scared to get hurt that I have thoughts of ending something before it really is something.  Part of me has always felt that I could have prevented getting hurt in my previously relationships if I had cut things off sooner when I had first had doubts.  So now when I have those same "doubts" I immediately want to run for the hills.  The truth is, I am not even sure if it is my doubts that make me want to run or if it is my fear of getting hurt again.  I don't want to have to go through the pain and the time it takes to get over someone again.  As much as I want companionship will my fears prevent me from love?

However, I feel that knowing about my insecurities, fears, and behaviors is the first step toward overcoming them.  The second step is to be able to communicate this with my partner.  The next step is finding the right man who is open, honest, patient, and understanding.  I am equally scared that I will not find someone who is willing to care and work with me on my issues.  Sometimes the thought of sharing about my fears and my experiences with a man make me scared.  My surface is so hard, confident, sarcastic and witty.  I mean that's what brings all the boys to the yard LOL.  But on the inside I am just a girl who wants to be loved.  , 

So no I am not going to give up, at least not today.  :)

Social Media Hiatus

A few of my loyal readers were astute to point out that I have not written a blog post in some time.  They are right.  I apologize guys!  I do have a reason, albeit maybe not a legitimate one haha.  I have have been on a social media hiatus.

Social media hiatus?  Yes!  I have been ditched my Facebook and Twitter accounts the past few weeks.  Honestly, part of me wants to delete them, but I keep them around for professional and networking purposes.  So what is the reason for the hiatus?  I needed a break!

I found myself wasting a lot of time and energy on Facebook and Twitter.  Granted a lot of it was because of boredom.  But overall social media can really be information overload.  Facebook sometimes just seems like digital vomit.  Everyone seems to think it is acceptable to share every aspect of their lives.  I often find myself Facebook stalking the random girl I went to high school with that I may not even have been friends with in real life, but I am Facebook friends with.  I felt bombarded with picture after picture of food and random things.  I see people writing about their thinly veiled thoughts of sadness or anger over relationships.  I am hounded to play Candy Crush or any other game.  After awhile Facebook and Twitter just seemed like too much.  And don't get me started on Instagram.  I do not have the time to look at everyone's billion selfies or "cool" filtered pictures of a glass. 

Sometimes I just miss the days before the internet and before camera phones.  I would love to catch up with a person and find out how they are doing with an actually conversation.  Hell, let's bring back letter writing or maybe compromise with an email?

I am still in my hiatus although I will check in here and there to see if I have to respond anything.  But as of right now Facebook and Twitter will stay deleted from my phone.