The One Who Got Away

Every time that I have some sort of break up I long for the day that the other person will realize how big of a mistake that they made.  For so many years  I have been waiting to hear someone say that I was the who who got away.  Yesterday my wish came true.  Someone from my past told me this very same thing.  Was it magical?  Was it exciting?  Was it a grand romantic gesture?   Honestly, it was rather anti-climatic.  The fairytail that I had had in my head that true love would work out in the end was a farce.  For the message was stale and its delivery was a few years too late.  But still my wish came true.  At least one person realized that letting me go was their bad.

Not to toot my own horn here, but I am pretty awesome.  I know I know, every person thinks that they are awesome or unique and different.  And it is true everyone is unique and different in their own ways.  But me, I am really different.  For as long as remember I was always just a little bit different than everyone around me.  I am a black girl who loves all types of music and movies.  I love to read and write.  I love sports and I love to grill food.  I like museums.  I enjoy asking my co-workers random would you rather questions.  I am a proud former band member who attended many summer camps.  I think that deez nuts jokes never get old.  I make faces at kids when their parents aren't looking.  I compliment strangers with ease.  I got to happy hours by myself and make friends with men old enough to date my mom.  Blame it on being an only child or having a experienced the death of a parent at a young age, I have learned to embrace my quirks instead of apologizing for them.

That is why I would like to think that my "exes" view me as the one who got away.  Because who else are you going to meet that is my blend of confidence, silliness, intelligence, and sexy all in one?  I am the woman who can hang out with the girls or the guys.  For me everyday is the possibility of a new adventure and every person who I meet is a new potential friend.  I can be fun.  I can be a cheerleader.  I can be caring and loving.  I can be a bitch.  I can be a mother.  I can be confidant.  I can be a coach.  And sometimes in the rarest of moments I can actually be quiet.  I can be all of these things.  Apparently I am just never what they want when we are actually together?

Sure an ex verbalizing my importance and value is flattering.  But you know what would be more flattering?  If an ex was willing to fight for me in the moment and not look back 10 years later with regret.  I want to be the woman that men fight to keep instead of being the one who got away.  How do I make this transition?  Who is going to realize how special I am now, in the moment?  Why can't I be the girl who DID'T get away?

Unfortunately, I don't have those answers.  All I can hope is that by continuing to be the person who I love,  I will find the person who loves me because of it.