As a child sitting in history classes I was always moved to tears watching the plight of my ancestors. They came up from slavery to fight for our right to vote and so that we could live equally amongst our white counterparts. Seeing people who were scared of their futures but strong enough in their convictions to stand up in the face adversity and brave cruelty in the right of justice, those are some powerful images. The Civil Rights Movement alone inspired me to minor in African-American Studies in college. And it was my African-American Studies that convinced me that I could play a part in changing the world as my ancestors did. This is why I vote.
I vote because not too long ago I wouldn't have been able to vote. I vote because despite what people tell you,I know that my vote makes a difference. I vote because I am not going to let other people who I do not trust make decisions that will not only effect me but effect generations to come.
Ever since I saw the movie Mr. Smith Goes To Washington in my 9th grade civics class I wanted to become the first African-American female President of the United States. I was always convinced that we would have a black president one day, and then four years ago we had one. I was luckily enough to be with hundreds of others celebrating on the historic U St. in Washington, DC. It was truly a magical night. While politics has left me disheartened and I don't foresee a presidency in my future, I still love the political season and eagerly await voting in each primary and general election.
After all of this, there was still so many people not registered to vote. And even worse, there are people that are registered to vote who choose not to vote. Why?
I don't care who you vote for. Well let me rephrase, I do care because I think there is only one choice, but as long as you did your research and can justify your decision vote for either side, then I am glad that you voted. But not voting or voting none of the above is not an option. I can understand that some people are hurting. We are living in hard times. I can speak to that. Some people may have lost trust in their elected officials, I can understand that as well. But that is what voting is for, that is how you voice your concern. Because when you don't vote you are letting everyone else decide your fate.
What bothers me the most is when celebrities aren't registered to vote. It's funny everyone is up in arms right now because on the rapper Lil Wayne's mixtape Nicki Minaj says she's a Republican and is voting for Mitt Romney. However, days later it comes out that she is not even registered to vote. Four years ago Tyler Perry came out as saying that he wasn't registered to vote. Celebrities have so much power in their hands. Celebrities also have a lot to lose by voting for the wrong person. Both children and adults look up to celebrities. It would be so powerful for a celebrity to say that they are voting rather than talking about alcohol, drugs, cars and women. How refreshing would it be to talk about ballots instead of sextapes...I digress....
How about the people who can't vote? Did you know that convicted felons lose their right to vote? According to ProCon.org it was estimated that 5.85 million people as of 2010 with a felony were barred from voting. In 12 states you may permanently lose your right to vote if you have a felony conviction! This means that even if you served your time and were released that you are still paying the price. And don't get me started on the disproportional racial population of inmates. It is just a fact that many black males will either be banned from voting again or have to go through a series of hoops to have their voting rights restored (re-enfranchisement).
After seeing a photo that someone posted on Facebook today I was reminded why I vote. The photo was taken in Birmingham, Alabama in 1963. It shows three teenagers getting hosed down in the street. I know this photo because I am looking at it right now. It is a power in my room marked courage. I bought this poster to remind me what courage others endured for me. This is why I vote.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Motherhood
To those of you who really know me you may have found my post from yesterday to be ironic. Why would I write anything about kids?
Growing up I had it all planned out. I think most girls are ingrained with this image of being married by 30 and having 3 kids, two biological and one adopted, and a dog. But for me as time went on the dream of 2.5 kids became 0 kids. In fact, when I asked people what their big dreams were, mine didn't even include family, except taking care of my mom.
When tell others that I don't want to have kids they scoff at me. In fact sometimes even looking at pregnant women scares me. I am deathly afraid of holding a baby as I feel as if I will drop it and ruin his or her life forever. Are these the thoughts of someone that should be having children?
So many times I hear,"that's what I used to say" or "it will be different once you have a husband." I am not saying that I have totally ruled out the idea but the older I get the more unlikely it seems. Why? I think I have the ability to have a child but not the sanity. The main reason really is because of my mom. I take care of my mom, with help, and many times feel overwhelmed and impatient. Having to constantly think for someone else and anticipate every potential problem in advance is exhausting! I cannot imagine having to take care of my mom and take care of a newborn at the same. Of course if I were married, maybe that would help, but right now a husband seems like a distant future to me just like the thoughts of kids.
Does not wanting to have children make me less of a woman? That is the way society makes it seem. Although woman are able to give birth, I do not believe by my choice not to have children that it takes away from my womanhood. When men say that they don't want to have kids does anyone second guess them like they do women? Doubtful. So why should I be judged for the same thing?
The thing is I do like kids, even when I joke around and say that I don't. The truth is I have been drawn to helping other kids since I was younger, maybe even in high school. Throughout my life my theme has been to help others. When I see other kids that are struggling and they are down and discouraged it makes me cry. At the same time when I see children smiling and happy it brings happy tears to my eyes.
Throughout this purpose filled spiritual journey I think I have narrowed down what I want to do, even though I still have some figuring out to do. I believe that my purpose all along has to been to help others. I think that my passion his helping children. It always has been so I need to flesh that out. But maybe my desire to make the world a better for children, eclipses my desire for motherhood.
But I guess I am still young and single so anything is possible. Maybe a year from now I will be married and pregnant. Only God knows what is in store for me.
Growing up I had it all planned out. I think most girls are ingrained with this image of being married by 30 and having 3 kids, two biological and one adopted, and a dog. But for me as time went on the dream of 2.5 kids became 0 kids. In fact, when I asked people what their big dreams were, mine didn't even include family, except taking care of my mom.
When tell others that I don't want to have kids they scoff at me. In fact sometimes even looking at pregnant women scares me. I am deathly afraid of holding a baby as I feel as if I will drop it and ruin his or her life forever. Are these the thoughts of someone that should be having children?
So many times I hear,"that's what I used to say" or "it will be different once you have a husband." I am not saying that I have totally ruled out the idea but the older I get the more unlikely it seems. Why? I think I have the ability to have a child but not the sanity. The main reason really is because of my mom. I take care of my mom, with help, and many times feel overwhelmed and impatient. Having to constantly think for someone else and anticipate every potential problem in advance is exhausting! I cannot imagine having to take care of my mom and take care of a newborn at the same. Of course if I were married, maybe that would help, but right now a husband seems like a distant future to me just like the thoughts of kids.
Does not wanting to have children make me less of a woman? That is the way society makes it seem. Although woman are able to give birth, I do not believe by my choice not to have children that it takes away from my womanhood. When men say that they don't want to have kids does anyone second guess them like they do women? Doubtful. So why should I be judged for the same thing?
The thing is I do like kids, even when I joke around and say that I don't. The truth is I have been drawn to helping other kids since I was younger, maybe even in high school. Throughout my life my theme has been to help others. When I see other kids that are struggling and they are down and discouraged it makes me cry. At the same time when I see children smiling and happy it brings happy tears to my eyes.
Throughout this purpose filled spiritual journey I think I have narrowed down what I want to do, even though I still have some figuring out to do. I believe that my purpose all along has to been to help others. I think that my passion his helping children. It always has been so I need to flesh that out. But maybe my desire to make the world a better for children, eclipses my desire for motherhood.
But I guess I am still young and single so anything is possible. Maybe a year from now I will be married and pregnant. Only God knows what is in store for me.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Kids R Us
We find delight in the beauty and happiness of children that makes the heart too big for the body.
There is something that tugs at my heart strings when I watch children. When children are laughing and playing and smiling there is just something magical about them. They seem so content, oblivious on all the dangers awaiting them around the block or as they enter adulthood. As children we were tireless and fearless. We could play for hours upon hours, only returning home when the street light came on in front of our house. There was no sense of worry as a child. We didn't lose sleep at night wondering how we would pay for our bills and if we would be single for over. So what point in our lives do we lose that child-like innocence And how do we get it back?
Throughout my life I have been told that I act silly. It is one of my characteristics that I am truly proud of. Despite sometimes feeling down or having great burdens on my shoulders I try to stay positive. I try to enjoy life and laugh as much as possible. Some people may think that I am too silly, but I don't think that there is such a thing. It is not as if I walk around in a clown suit all day putting whoopee cushions on chairs (remember those). Some people think being silly shows a lack of maturity, but I disagree.
I think that adults have become to serious. We need to get back to having that child-like mentality. And if we do maybe, just maybe, it will change our lives. I mean when was the point that we were no longer allowed to be silly? Is it when we turn 18? Do we have to give up our silly card and instead take the maturity card? I mean honestly, we discount the qualities of children because we think are too young to have any knowledge, but maybe they have the secrets.
Just think about it. Children can often be the most authentic people you will meet. They are honest will tell you everything they know and are thinking. They are inquisitive and can ask you question after question. Many times they have a gift of discernment and know a person's heart when we as adults may not. Children can be creative. They draw outside of the lines, make up new words, and can tell stories for days. Kids can be self entertaining, despite the omnipresence of technology. More times you will find that children are more polite than adults. At church we talk about children being called by God at young ages. And that laughter, there is nothing quite like hearing a child laugh.
Maybe instead of dismissing them, we should embrace some of these qualities ourselves. For today do something child-like and see if it makes a difference.
Monday, September 3, 2012
What Are Your Dreams?
Today is a day of dreams. Look at my horoscope:
Virgo (August 23-September 22): There is a great big world out there waiting for you to take it over, so don’t think in small quantities. If you want it all, have the imagination to see it. Don’t let anyone talk you out of a bigger dream, especially if it’s you playing your own devil’s advocate. Sure, there are scary turns ahead, but that goes without saying. Besides, there is no such thing as 100 percent guaranteed. (Courtesy of www.thefrisky.com)
All this thinking about dreams and figuring out my purpose in life made me wonder what other's dream is. Learning what someone's dream is says a lot about the kind of person that they are. It also can let you see if their lives are in align with their dream and if they are working towards that dream.
Yesterday, I wrote about surrounding yourself with encouragers. I know that I am blessed enough that I have many encouragers around me. I know that when I put my mind to something that my friends are there to support. I also know that if it is not a great idea my friends will be there as well. That is what friends are supposed to do for each other right? So why don't we all work to try to encourage our friends to reach their dreams?
I asked some of my friends the following question: What do you want to do? What is your big dream? Some of the comments were not surprising, while some of them were. Some people had no idea what I was talking about or thought that had no dream at all. I thought I would post them here. There is something kind of liberating about communicating your dream to someone else. It is when you write it or when you speak it, the dream becomes one more step to becoming tangible.
So if you have a dream don't be scared and don't hide. Feel free to share it below or even just tell one person that you know. We all have dreams. So let's go after them!
Virgo (August 23-September 22): There is a great big world out there waiting for you to take it over, so don’t think in small quantities. If you want it all, have the imagination to see it. Don’t let anyone talk you out of a bigger dream, especially if it’s you playing your own devil’s advocate. Sure, there are scary turns ahead, but that goes without saying. Besides, there is no such thing as 100 percent guaranteed. (Courtesy of www.thefrisky.com)
All this thinking about dreams and figuring out my purpose in life made me wonder what other's dream is. Learning what someone's dream is says a lot about the kind of person that they are. It also can let you see if their lives are in align with their dream and if they are working towards that dream.
Yesterday, I wrote about surrounding yourself with encouragers. I know that I am blessed enough that I have many encouragers around me. I know that when I put my mind to something that my friends are there to support. I also know that if it is not a great idea my friends will be there as well. That is what friends are supposed to do for each other right? So why don't we all work to try to encourage our friends to reach their dreams?
I asked some of my friends the following question: What do you want to do? What is your big dream? Some of the comments were not surprising, while some of them were. Some people had no idea what I was talking about or thought that had no dream at all. I thought I would post them here. There is something kind of liberating about communicating your dream to someone else. It is when you write it or when you speak it, the dream becomes one more step to becoming tangible.
So if you have a dream don't be scared and don't hide. Feel free to share it below or even just tell one person that you know. We all have dreams. So let's go after them!
I really would like to have children, so a husband would be nice.
To be a counselor for kids
Something that helps people to have more confidence and believe in themselves again.
Professionally I honestly don't know now. It was always to be a corporate lawyer/in-house counsel. now that I'm doing what I thought I wanted to do, this isn't it. lol so I'm re-calibrating
I want to be a great husband and father, make a ton of money, and position myself politically. I do not have to be a politician however, I do want to have influence
I just wanna be out of debt and try meaningful cases.
I'm going to be a teacher!!! Either HS or community college!
Hmm... Currently it is to move to NYC. Do a combination of comedic writing and environmental work. While consciously realizing that it would only be a stop gap for pleasure. Long term goal is to live every day without giving a f
Shoot. I want to be a great locker with lots of great friends and enough financial independence from a job to do whatever I want
| Hit the lotto and live in Japan |
Be a successful actor. And be known well enough to be able to make a difference in society. I really want a family.
I want to write a book...I want to see it in bookstores. I also want to teach writing.Oh, and I'd like to live in another country at some point or at least do some extensive traveling with the boys oh...and I want to own my dream house.yeah...I've got dreams for days. 
I want to be able to grow old and watch my children have children that's my big dream lol
All I want is a comfortable life where I have no financial burdens, I get to spend time with my kid and my man (lol) and I get 2 travel the world. My only dream is for inner peace. Oh and I'd love to write a screenplay or own my own business.
Produce television shows and documentaries. Also, build up my free legal clinic in Cincinnati and make it a year round operation. Oh yeah...most definitely want to be comfortable too! Also want to travel often and make enough to take care of my parents.
Well. Of course I want a family 2-3 healthy children with a committed monogamous husband. I am not really particular on where we live but in a good school district. I want to be happy my career but still able to work in the community whether its about education or mental health. I want an imperfect life with friends, family and just enough drama and pain to make me appreciate all I hope to be blessed with I want a church family like I had in Philadelphia and have weekends free for life.I want to feel peace most days of my life and to know that I've lived without regrets. Think that Sums up my big dreams
I don't do big dreams. That leads to disappointment and I think that is precisely what is wrong with so many people in this country. And then they become all depressed, disillusioned, and upset with how their life has turned out. I just want to enjoy my life. Live and die happy and fulfilled is all I care about. I have ambitions, but at the end of the day I just want to be able to say I enjoyed my life, which includes traveling.
I would get paid to travel and explore new places. But really I don't think I want to work for anyone. I would wanna start my own consulting firm and tell wealthy people how to spend their money on helping people. I just know I get so much satisfaction out of helping others. I feel like I have a bigger purpose.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Requirements for Finding a Good Man
The theme from my church, Bridgeway Community Church (http://bridgewayonline.org/), the past few weeks has been Interracial Romance. I highly encourage you to view the series online if you get a chance. It is not just about interracial romance but there are other themes dealing with family, parenting, and relationships as well. We have been discussing Exodus chapter 2 and the relationship between Moses and Zipporah, who were in an interracial marriage. Today's theme was: "Requirements for Finding a Good Man." So you know me being very single (single means you have prospects and/or are dating, very single means no prospects, no dating), I was ready with pen and paper in hand!
So here are the points:
So here are the points:
- Consider the person's condition when you meet him or her. -- Pastor Anderson explained that when you meet someone that they are are changing, make sure to leave room for growth
- Consider the person's courage to make tough decisions. - You need to make sure that you are surrounded with "encouragers." Make sure that your partner is not the only person that is your encourager otherwise you may become discouraged.
- Consider the person's capacity to serve
- Consider the person's cultural background.
- Consider the person's "concerns" at a heart level (i.e passion)- God will match a person's theme with his concerns. The Pastor said to make sure you ask a person what makes them cry or what makes them mad to find their passions.
- Consider the person's connection to Christ Jesus. - Make sure not to judge other's who are not on your level of relationship with God. Let the light/love of God shine through you.
Pastor Anderson when on to give advice to the married couples, parents, and singles. He said one point that really resonated with me. "Raise girl to expect respect." It is such a simple point but so true. I think so often we as women settle for and put up with less than the respect that we are entitled too. We may even be so used to it that we believe that is the way it is supposed to be, but it's not. Oftentimes we can get so wrapped up in the good times and the euphoria that we fail to see that the man we are dating or married to is disrespectful to his family, to others, and probably even you. Wouldn't you tell your friends in a heartbeat not to be with a man who disrespected you? Then why do you settle for disrespect in your own relationship.
When I look back at the previous guys that I have dated based on these requirements, it reaffirmed what I already knew, that none of them were the right guys for me. I am not saying that there was necessarily anything wrong with them as people. I think have dated some good guys but I even think that I might have not been at the right place to even know what I was truly looking for.
As I have written a few times, right now I am comfortable with my singledom. I know that we are all different, but I am VERY different. And I am ok with waiting for someone who will embrace my all of my uniqueness while knowing that I am not perfect but I am constantly changing and growing.
Dealing with the Anger
For the past few days, maybe the past few weeks I have been angry. Not angry in general, this anger is directed toward one person, my recent ex. He may read this or he may not, he probably will not as he insinuated that my blog is boring and that I need pictures... (yet another reason that I am mad).
So I have been angry because although we broke up a few months ago I can't get over the feeling that I am still not over it. I don't want him back. I realize that we are not meant to be together. Yes, there are some specific incidents that I am thinking about, but in general he does not have the qualities that I need in a partner and I suppose I don't have what he needs either. But knowing that we aren't made to be together, doesn't stop me from being angry. I felt like throughout our relationship I did a lot of compromising and I gave up more than he did. He even benefited from our break up because he got what he wanted and he is still getting what he wants by having a "friendship" with me. The truth is, I want him to hurt. I want him to feel pain for the way that he made me feel and I want his heart to be in as much turmoil as mine.
I know with all my heart that holding on to this anger toward him is blocking me from maybe meeting that person that God has in mind for me. I tell my friends about the importance of forgiveness all the time. Yet, I can't forgive him myself. I mean I said that I forgave him long ago, and I really thought that I meant it. But in my heart I have not. I mean I don't wish him any physical harm or any harm to his property, but sometimes, well A LOT of the times I do imagine unfortunate, but legal, things happening to him. And yes, I know this is wrong too. I even wrote one of those letters that you don't send, and it didn't work, because I want to send it.
I bet I know what you are thinking. Why don't you just stop talking to him? Why does he even contact you? I wonder the same thing. It seems like at most two weeks go by before one of us contacts the other. I actually will feel some kind of way if he doesn't contact me, as if he is ignoring me. It is like we have this unhealthy symbiotic relationship. He acts like he is over me and doesn't care what I do or who I date, yet when I ask him not to bring up, he still manages to try to inquire as to what I am doing. It would be one thing to say it because he wants me to be happy, but I doubt those are his reasons. Throughout the course of our on/off relationship he sent many mixed signals as to his feelings, and intentions, he then turned around and denied it. As if I made things up, or he would say he didn't mean things the way that I had interpreted.
Part of me wants to tell him to never contact me again. But part of me wishes we could be friends, although sometimes I don't even think he is really that great of a friend either at least not to me right now. And maybe even another part of me wishes that we could go back to happy times that we used to have in the beginning. Random things will sometimes trigger thoughts of special times we had or laughs that we once shared. I guess I hope that it will fade away and I will not have to worry about me contacting him or the other way around. However, I know things don't work like that. He will probably text me tomorrow or the next day and I will still have this same feeling of uneasiness and unrest in my heart. I feel like I will always love him, but I want to be ok moving on. But yes, yes I am going to keep praying that God will steer me in the right direction. I pray that I can let go so that I can move on.
So I have been angry because although we broke up a few months ago I can't get over the feeling that I am still not over it. I don't want him back. I realize that we are not meant to be together. Yes, there are some specific incidents that I am thinking about, but in general he does not have the qualities that I need in a partner and I suppose I don't have what he needs either. But knowing that we aren't made to be together, doesn't stop me from being angry. I felt like throughout our relationship I did a lot of compromising and I gave up more than he did. He even benefited from our break up because he got what he wanted and he is still getting what he wants by having a "friendship" with me. The truth is, I want him to hurt. I want him to feel pain for the way that he made me feel and I want his heart to be in as much turmoil as mine.
I know with all my heart that holding on to this anger toward him is blocking me from maybe meeting that person that God has in mind for me. I tell my friends about the importance of forgiveness all the time. Yet, I can't forgive him myself. I mean I said that I forgave him long ago, and I really thought that I meant it. But in my heart I have not. I mean I don't wish him any physical harm or any harm to his property, but sometimes, well A LOT of the times I do imagine unfortunate, but legal, things happening to him. And yes, I know this is wrong too. I even wrote one of those letters that you don't send, and it didn't work, because I want to send it.
I bet I know what you are thinking. Why don't you just stop talking to him? Why does he even contact you? I wonder the same thing. It seems like at most two weeks go by before one of us contacts the other. I actually will feel some kind of way if he doesn't contact me, as if he is ignoring me. It is like we have this unhealthy symbiotic relationship. He acts like he is over me and doesn't care what I do or who I date, yet when I ask him not to bring up, he still manages to try to inquire as to what I am doing. It would be one thing to say it because he wants me to be happy, but I doubt those are his reasons. Throughout the course of our on/off relationship he sent many mixed signals as to his feelings, and intentions, he then turned around and denied it. As if I made things up, or he would say he didn't mean things the way that I had interpreted.
Part of me wants to tell him to never contact me again. But part of me wishes we could be friends, although sometimes I don't even think he is really that great of a friend either at least not to me right now. And maybe even another part of me wishes that we could go back to happy times that we used to have in the beginning. Random things will sometimes trigger thoughts of special times we had or laughs that we once shared. I guess I hope that it will fade away and I will not have to worry about me contacting him or the other way around. However, I know things don't work like that. He will probably text me tomorrow or the next day and I will still have this same feeling of uneasiness and unrest in my heart. I feel like I will always love him, but I want to be ok moving on. But yes, yes I am going to keep praying that God will steer me in the right direction. I pray that I can let go so that I can move on.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
A Reason For the Madness
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
I know that when I am going through something there is no way that I want to look at the positive of the situation. Most of the times I want to wallow in misery, and gnaw on the feeling that things will never get better and I will be stuck in the same situation forever. Well I should say I allow myself to feel like this for maybe a few minutes, hours, or a day at most and that I force myself to wake up and get out of it! Why? Because I know that there is a reason that I am experience my suffering, that it won't last forever, and that I will be on the other side soon.
Just because we are Christians doesn't mean that we don't go through our own struggles. I am might not know all of the bible, but I can pretty much guarantee that there is no passage that says, "If you believe in Jesus you will never suffer, or have pain, and all of you days will be worry-free and will also smell like roses."
I am on Day 25 of The Purpose Driven Life. In today's passage the author writes about how are darkest circumstances often bring us closer to God. This is a premise that I totally agree with. A few days before I started writing this blog and trying to figure out my purpose in life, I talked to one of my friends on the phone. We have been friends since law school and still remain in touch despite our distance. Although we don't talk every day when we do talk it is like we are picking up right where we left off. So our most recent chat really opened up my eyes. She told me that with all this free time I have by not having a job why not work on your relationship with God? She did have a valid point. All these YEARS I have been putting on my list read the bible, go to church, blah blah blah and I never really did anything more than what I was doing before. In fact it is number 7 on my 2012 New Year's Resolution List!
I also know that whenever I am going throw a dark period it does cause me to pray more and thank God more. This is because each time I go through something I remember how God brought me to the other side. I mean it doesn't mean I like being broke, sick, heartbroken or whatever, that would make me crazy! But I know that this is just one more test that will make me stronger and well prepared for the future.
So according to the book," there is a purpose behind every problem."
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