Good morning ladies and gents! Shortly I will be off for a day of fun with mom, but before I left I wanted to leave you with a mini-post. Hopefully I will have the time and ability to write another post later this weekend.
So the update is that I have been sticking to my goals health goals. Despite working crazy hours and getting not enough sleep I have been working out at least 3-4 times a week and sticking to my calorie allotment. I am definitely seeing the results and I feel great! I know I have a long way to go, but with every pound that I drop and every old piece of clothing that I can wear again I know I am one step closer to achieving my goals.
I promised myself that this will be the LAST time that I attempt to drop this weight. Not because if it doesn't work I am giving up. No because this time I am going to see it through to the end. Thank you all for your support and encouragement! Maybe I will inspire you to do the same...
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
I am Fabulous and I Am Not Apologizing
I just came from seeing the movie The Best Man Holiday. Don't worry no spoilers here! I will say that I highly recommend it. It is the kind of movie that leaves you feeling kind of warm and fuzzy at the end. And the movie also address many issues that resonated with me and probably resonate with others as well.
On the drive home I started to drift into many thoughts. I was thinking about how blessed I am for the friends I have. I was thinking that I would love to look as fine as Nia Long is today at 40 while I am 32. I was even engulfed in not so PG-13 rated thoughts of Morris Chestnut and his often shirtless chest.
While all of this was going on, the song "If You Want Me To Stay" by Sly and The Family stay came over my iTunes playlist. It was funny that I didn't even remember adding it, but it was one of those songs that my dad used to play while I was a kid and to this day it reminds me of him. Suddenly, the thoughts of my father seemed overwhelming. I thought about how I wished he was around. I wondered if he is looking down on me. I guessed whether he would be surprised that I am an attorney or if he would be glad. I wondered if he would be disappointed that I haven't done more. Or maybe he would feel guilty for leaving mom and I alone, without him. But the biggest question is whether he would like this woman who I have become. But who am I?
I am fabulous. I am fabulous. I had to say it twice, because that is how much I believe it. It took me a long time to get to that conclusion, but now I have it, I will NEVER let it go. I am beautiful, I am intelligent, I am hilarious, I am caring, I am faithful, I am affectionate, I am appreciative, I am real, I am honest, i am blunt, I am strong, I am loyal, I am thoughtful, I am a motivator, I am hopeful, I am broke, I am persistent, I am a lover, I am stubborn, I am loud, I am giving, I am passionate, I am moody, I am plus-sized and I will eat a damn cookie if I want to, I am a dreamer, I am a fighter, I am so much more in this beautifully wrapped God-created package called me. I am fabulous, and I am not going to apologize for thinking so.
You know what else I am not going to apologize about? I am not going to apologize for wanting a man who is equally as fabulous as me. I am not going to apologize for wanting a man who will realize just how fabulous I am and who will remind me of it everyday. I need a man who will understand everything that I have been through and everything that is yet to come. I refuse to apologize for wanting a partner with dreams and goals and who strives to accomplish them, no matter what hurdles are put in his path. I will not apologize for dreaming of a man who will open my door, watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta with me, rub my back, and then run my bath water without asking for anything in return. I won't apologizing for wanting a man who takes care of his mother, sisters, and kids because that shows me that he can take care of me. I am not apologizing for considering myself a black feminist but at the same time wanting to cater to my man's every needs.
So that's it basically. Fabulous seeking fabulous. Any takers?
Monday, October 21, 2013
Keeping the Faith
When people ask me how I am doing I usually respond with "ok". Now don't get me wrong, I am not one of those people who thinks that when someone asks this question that they are not expecting a genuine response. At least for me, when I ask someone else how is it going or how are you, I mean it. So as a courtesy I give a real answer. However, lately "ok" has been my response of choice. Why?
Well I use "ok" because it is an easy and semi-truthful response. Yes I am ok, I have food to eat, a roof over my head, clothes to wear and I am maintaining all my bills (just barely). I am relatively in good health. I am not being persecuted for my beliefs. So yes I am ok. I mean do I have the right to complain?
But in the back of my head I am never really just "ok". Back there is a lonely and dark place. It is filled with all of my constant worries and fears. What many people may not realize about me that despite my usually cheery disposition I am a ball of pessimism which I usual describe as realism. I am a worst case scenario type of girl topped with a touch of hypochondria.
The truth is with all this going on in my head it is hard to stay faithful. After looking for a permanent job for YEARS, I haven't given up, but I am definitely deflated. Thoughts of doubt in my abilities tend to make me almost stray from my path. What you don't realize is that when you lose a job and have trouble finding a new one, it feels so personal, as if there is something wrong with me and that's why I am facing these issues. Same goes with the search for a companion. I know I am not alone in comparing myself to others. But I am left sitting here with thoughts of why not me?
But in the end yes, some thoughts not of God cross my head, but I have learned to push them out. You see I always am able to maintain my faith because so far God has always been by my side. Even when circumstances seem so bleak and there is no answer I am always provided with a solution. I have learned a lot in these past few years on my journey, for that I am thankful, but I know I have a long path ahead of me. Yesterday, I told one of my friends that I am going to have an awesome testimony soon. I just wish soon was like tomorrow and not later? But that is out of my control. Until then, I have to keep my faith. Because if I don't believe in it myself, how can I in good conscience tell others to keep theirs?
Monday, October 14, 2013
Dear Congress
Dear Congress:
I meant to write this letter to you 14 days ago, but I decided to furlough the letter until now. Congress, let me tell you, you are not doing a good job. The government shutdown was a terrible idea. You have directly put the lives of hundreds of thousands of people's lives in jeopardy. These are hard working people who depend on their bi-weekly checks to feed themselves and their families. Not to mention the indirect results of the shutdown. People cannot go to national parks around the country which in turn hurts the economy when we are already in a precarious situation. The longer this goes on programs aimed at helping women and children will have to shutdown because of lack of funds. Businesses are hindered because they cannot call the government to do even routine aspects of their jobs. I am scared to eat foreign seafood because it is not being regulated. Not to mention the DC government is about to shutdown itself, which really sucks for them because they don't even have the power to vote you out of office!
So I ask you Congress what is the purpose of the shutdown? You are opposing the implementation of a legislation that was already passed and vetted by the Supreme Court? In fact, not only are you in opposition to legislation, but legislation that has already become a law! Some of you may want to watch "The School House Rocks" Episode of How a Bill becomes a law (I have hyperlinked it for you just in case you don't know how to use YouTube). And honestly Congressmen you do know that when you are win an election there will be another one later? Did you think that costing the country millions of dollars is the key to winning your seat for another term? Which one of these questions is the most accurate: Do you hate seeing people taking care of their health? Do you hate the Affordable Care Act because you didn't think of it? Or do you just hate President Obama so much that you would ruin the whole country as a result? If you answered yes to any of these the country headed for a much deeper whole than we can imagine.
To me and many other people in this country you seem to appear very nonchalant about this whole situation. Perhaps it is because you don't live check to check like the 99% of us do? I bet none of you will have to pick up a part time retail job to cover the bills, right? I hope that when the shutdown ceases you donate your own two weeks of salary as a penance for your misdeeds. I am sure you will not however, because your behavior has shown that you clearly care about no one but yourself.
In closing, Congress, I ask that you settle this shutdown and also the debt ceiling because I am not sure if I can stomach the thought of doing this again every few weeks. One of my Facebook friends so astutely pointed out a few weeks ago that if the Government were a business the boss would clean house. And when it happens, don't say that I didn't warn you.
With Much Frustration,
Di Mo
I meant to write this letter to you 14 days ago, but I decided to furlough the letter until now. Congress, let me tell you, you are not doing a good job. The government shutdown was a terrible idea. You have directly put the lives of hundreds of thousands of people's lives in jeopardy. These are hard working people who depend on their bi-weekly checks to feed themselves and their families. Not to mention the indirect results of the shutdown. People cannot go to national parks around the country which in turn hurts the economy when we are already in a precarious situation. The longer this goes on programs aimed at helping women and children will have to shutdown because of lack of funds. Businesses are hindered because they cannot call the government to do even routine aspects of their jobs. I am scared to eat foreign seafood because it is not being regulated. Not to mention the DC government is about to shutdown itself, which really sucks for them because they don't even have the power to vote you out of office!
So I ask you Congress what is the purpose of the shutdown? You are opposing the implementation of a legislation that was already passed and vetted by the Supreme Court? In fact, not only are you in opposition to legislation, but legislation that has already become a law! Some of you may want to watch "The School House Rocks" Episode of How a Bill becomes a law (I have hyperlinked it for you just in case you don't know how to use YouTube). And honestly Congressmen you do know that when you are win an election there will be another one later? Did you think that costing the country millions of dollars is the key to winning your seat for another term? Which one of these questions is the most accurate: Do you hate seeing people taking care of their health? Do you hate the Affordable Care Act because you didn't think of it? Or do you just hate President Obama so much that you would ruin the whole country as a result? If you answered yes to any of these the country headed for a much deeper whole than we can imagine.
To me and many other people in this country you seem to appear very nonchalant about this whole situation. Perhaps it is because you don't live check to check like the 99% of us do? I bet none of you will have to pick up a part time retail job to cover the bills, right? I hope that when the shutdown ceases you donate your own two weeks of salary as a penance for your misdeeds. I am sure you will not however, because your behavior has shown that you clearly care about no one but yourself.
In closing, Congress, I ask that you settle this shutdown and also the debt ceiling because I am not sure if I can stomach the thought of doing this again every few weeks. One of my Facebook friends so astutely pointed out a few weeks ago that if the Government were a business the boss would clean house. And when it happens, don't say that I didn't warn you.
With Much Frustration,
Di Mo
Monday, October 7, 2013
The Death of Rom Coms
Over the weekend I took my mother to see the movie Baggage Claim. Baggage Claim is a romantic comedy (rom com) which just happens to feature and almost all black cast. In this movie, the protagonist was a 30 something year woman who was tired of being a bridesmaid and was determined to bring her potential soul-mate to her little sister's upcoming nuptials. The movie was pretty predictable and followed that usual rom com formula (don't worry no spoilers here). But at the end I ended up wish rom coms would be dead just like the N word, auto tune, and twerking.
I am not saying that I am immune. I want a husband, I don't necessarily want 2.5 kids and a dog, but I am looking for a companion. In my head I still feel like there is someone out there for everyone who wants someone. But as I get older I realize I might not have that great story to tell people about how I met my husband. In fact, I might not even have a husband. And if I do finally have one, I don't think he is going to be the guy "right under my nose".
I sat in that theater not happy but annoyed. I am all for feel good stories, but rom coms I think I am done with them. I am tired of seeing these hopelessly romantic women look for Mr. Right, have some type of low point, followed by a fairy tail ending. I guess the problem is not the movie itself, but the unrealistic expectations that women have as a result of these movies.
I am not saying that I am immune. I want a husband, I don't necessarily want 2.5 kids and a dog, but I am looking for a companion. In my head I still feel like there is someone out there for everyone who wants someone. But as I get older I realize I might not have that great story to tell people about how I met my husband. In fact, I might not even have a husband. And if I do finally have one, I don't think he is going to be the guy "right under my nose".
And then there is a little bit of irony about the whole rom com generation we have become. We want some guy to sweep us off our feet, to take us on a carriage ride through the city, and to open all of our doors. The reality is that much of us settle for much less. Maybe sometimes we are so happy to have company that we don't even realize that the person who we spend our time with us not even a real companion. We theoretically set our aspirations high planning our weddings and our children and future, yet we let men treat us any which way in the present. How does this fit in with a fairy tale ending?
So until further notice I am calling a boycott of rom coms. Death to the rom com, at least until The Best Man Holiday comes out. lol
Thursday, October 3, 2013
The Lonely Way Out
Last night was scary. One of my friends from high school posted on Facebook about committing suicide. This girl, who I remember always laughing and sharing jokes with while in school was contemplating her own death. It felt like I was watching someone die right in front of my face and there was nothing that I could do about it. Fortunately, her sisters sent police to look for her. There was an outpouring of love and support from her friends and family. Today, my friend responded to her post saying that she was ok. Apparently her struggle has been going on for awhile but she is motivated to heal and to love herself.
Seeing her post, made me think that more than we would like to admit many of us have shared a variation of her thoughts. Thinking about suicide is lonely. It is like being in an isolated prison cell. You keep thoughts thoughts so tight inside because you feel like you are going through things by yourself. Suicide is the lonely way out. It's sad, dark, uncomfortable and twisted. My friend thought that her own suicide would be a "painless" option. The truth is that suicide is not a painless. Suicide leaves everyone around you in pain.
There are times when I have had my own dark thoughts. I haven't necessarily thought about suicide but I have thought that maybe if I wasn't around that everyone might benefit. In the end though, I never gave up and I never give up. Mainly because I know I have a responsibility to my mom and I have a responsibility to God to continue to serve him until my purpose is complete. God never gives us more than we can handle. At times I thought that my situation is bleak, but I am always humbled by the instances when people have much less than I and who are still smiling.
Suicidal thoughts should be taken seriously. If someone tells you that they are thinking about committing suicide they need help, professional help. It is not a time for public shaming and judgment. It is a time for love and support. If you see someone struggling don't turn a blind eye.
Seeing her post, made me think that more than we would like to admit many of us have shared a variation of her thoughts. Thinking about suicide is lonely. It is like being in an isolated prison cell. You keep thoughts thoughts so tight inside because you feel like you are going through things by yourself. Suicide is the lonely way out. It's sad, dark, uncomfortable and twisted. My friend thought that her own suicide would be a "painless" option. The truth is that suicide is not a painless. Suicide leaves everyone around you in pain.
There are times when I have had my own dark thoughts. I haven't necessarily thought about suicide but I have thought that maybe if I wasn't around that everyone might benefit. In the end though, I never gave up and I never give up. Mainly because I know I have a responsibility to my mom and I have a responsibility to God to continue to serve him until my purpose is complete. God never gives us more than we can handle. At times I thought that my situation is bleak, but I am always humbled by the instances when people have much less than I and who are still smiling.
Suicidal thoughts should be taken seriously. If someone tells you that they are thinking about committing suicide they need help, professional help. It is not a time for public shaming and judgment. It is a time for love and support. If you see someone struggling don't turn a blind eye.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Back On Track
I am getting fat. Yes, I admit it. My clothes don't fit the way they used to. Leggings are my clothing piece of choice. My face looks like that of a cherub. I am past my threshold weight. You know that weight that usually knocks me back into my senses to get back on track. While some might like my squishy and softness, I for one DO NOT. So what am I going to do about it? Get back on track!
Maybe the most frustrating thing about losing weight is knowing exactly what you need to do but not knowing whether you have the will to do it. I once lost 70 lbs. I know that the perfect combination of diet and exercise will help me drop my extra poundage. But there is a difference now. Before I felt like I was on the verge of death. Let me tell you death knocking on your door is the best motivator. I was younger then, more determined. Now it is HARD. The weight doesn't seem to leave as easier. Plus, I have realized my love of food has grown with the size of my waistline. lol
Luckily, I know I am not alone. My friend and I made a pact to get back on it, starting TODAY! What does get back on track entail? First, tracking calories. My favorite free app is My Fitness Pal. It works very similar to Weight Watchers (I have used WW in the past) except there are no points. It doesn't mean I have to give up foods, I just need to make smarter choices. Second, I need to start exercising. Actually I have been doing this the past few weeks. I just realized how out of shape I am though. It makes cardio so unappealing with you are huffing and puffing through an entire workout. But each day is getting a little better, and eventually I know I will be back to the way that I used to be.
And I don't feel bad for being where I am. Sure I have had ups and I have downs. But the one thing I never do is completely give up. So what if I have to get back on track once a month? What's the alternative?
Maybe the most frustrating thing about losing weight is knowing exactly what you need to do but not knowing whether you have the will to do it. I once lost 70 lbs. I know that the perfect combination of diet and exercise will help me drop my extra poundage. But there is a difference now. Before I felt like I was on the verge of death. Let me tell you death knocking on your door is the best motivator. I was younger then, more determined. Now it is HARD. The weight doesn't seem to leave as easier. Plus, I have realized my love of food has grown with the size of my waistline. lol
Luckily, I know I am not alone. My friend and I made a pact to get back on it, starting TODAY! What does get back on track entail? First, tracking calories. My favorite free app is My Fitness Pal. It works very similar to Weight Watchers (I have used WW in the past) except there are no points. It doesn't mean I have to give up foods, I just need to make smarter choices. Second, I need to start exercising. Actually I have been doing this the past few weeks. I just realized how out of shape I am though. It makes cardio so unappealing with you are huffing and puffing through an entire workout. But each day is getting a little better, and eventually I know I will be back to the way that I used to be.
And I don't feel bad for being where I am. Sure I have had ups and I have downs. But the one thing I never do is completely give up. So what if I have to get back on track once a month? What's the alternative?
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