Clean Slate

Last night I think I experienced my clean slate.  Yes, I feel that I am official free of man complications this morning.

It all started with my ex ex.  I guess I cannot claim credit for this one.  For the past the month or so I felt like the ex ex has been distant.  We were trying to do the friends thing, but all of a sudden he kind of dropped off the face of the earth.  I even deleted his number a few weeks ago, because I was tired of putting in the effort.  I felt like he had really stopped being a friend and I didn't know why.  Maybe he was dating someone and it was getting serious.  That is a strong possibility   But since he would not talk about the topic of this friend I have no idea.  Or maybe something is going on with him more personal.  I don't know either way, but I did try and there is only so much I can do.  Regardless, I don't need a part time friend.  So maybe I confronted him at a inopportune time.  But I haven't heard from him, so I feel like this is the clean slate I was looking for.  The friendship had become a little uncomfortable anyway, and maybe was not in our best interests.

Next is the non communication from a new guy that I met a few weeks ago.  We have been texting regularly for the past few weeks.  We had plans a couple of times but it didn't work out due to scheduling conflicts.  So tonight was supposed to be our date make up night where he made up for cancelling on me (and I looked extra fly too).  I tried texting and I called.  I have heard nothing back in response.  The sad thing is I am not that mad.  I am disappointed  more than anything because I thought it would be a new start.  The sad thing is that things like this have happened to me in the past.  I decided my online dating life is taking a hiatus and I  shut down my account, at least for now.  Why do people go ghost out of nowhere?

Finally the recent ex.  I did what I should have done months ago.  I told him that we can no longer be friends.  I said some other stuff too, which I immediately deleted.  I think it said something like he doesn't want to be with me yet sends mixed signals, I didn't want to be hurt again, and that he didn't appreciate me before and he doesn't now.  Now this might seem out of the blue, but there are a few situations that are precipitated this.  I have wanted to tell him so many times that I didn't want to be friends.  I never had the courage.  Well it is not courage that was the problem, the issue was not being able to deal with the possibility that he didn't value my friendship enough to fight for it.  Well seeing that he never responded, I assume that it is a done deal.

So this morning, I feel like I am starting off anew.  It is time to move on and maybe I need more time to be alone.  Tomorrow is November 1st right? To new beginnings.... :)