Diamond

I am a diamond can't you see my shine?

This weekend I have been thinking a lot about diamonds.  And before you get excited I am nowhere close to  looking for engagement rings.  I mean for that you have to be engaging with someone and right now my mom and my friends are the only people who have been holding my interest.

So yeah, I have been thinking a lot about diamonds this weekend.  I went to women's bible study and the focus was on the diamond.  Diamonds are these hard rough things that are found in the ground. They go through years and years of pressure before they become a diamond.  When you pull them out of the ground they are not enough even cute!  Diamonds have to be cleaned off and processed before they are the diamonds that we pick out at Tiffany's or Zales.  Yet even when they are dirty and unprocessed they are still just as valuable.

Women are just like diamonds.  Fellas don't get mad at me here.  Keep on reading this isn't a man-bashing post.  But society has placed certain expectations on us women that you guys don't have.  We undergo pressure to be a good daughter, a good wife, a good sister, and good mother, a good cleaner, a good cook, and sometimes a good caregiver.  We have to juggle our schedules with others.  We have to do ten million things at once and with a smile on our face.  We are supposed to act like ladies but not be too quiet or too loud.  We are supposed to be demure but freaks in the sheets.  Women are expected to be everything at once.  And despite all this pressure that us diamonds face, we come out strong, tough, able to cut through glass and we still shine.

Yeah this all sounds good right?  We are diamonds in the rough.  We, women are precious so you men have to treat us that way.  But the truth is, we don't always see ourselves as diamonds.  We just see ourselves as dirty, low, and unworthy of being displayed for our brilliance.  We, myself included, sometimes walk around more like a cubic zirconium and less like a diamond.

I struggle with this myself, but a little differently.  You see, I think I am a diamond.  I went through my own process and realized my value.  I am a completely package head to toe waiting for a man to realize it.  The only problem is, I allow myself to be treated as less than the diamond I am.  I have allowed men to say things to me and to treat me in ways that  I didn't like.  I even justified with their stupid excuses and some lies.  Why?  Because at the end of the day with everything else I have going on, I just wanted to be loved.  I want someone to care for me the same way that I care for my mom.  I want someone to tell me that I am beautiful when I am in sweatpants or to encourage me when I feel like giving up.  I need a man who when he sees I am hurting that he cares enough to in the very least listen.  And the truth is, I am not getting this and it is up to me to make sure I do.

Now don't get me wrong.  I am ready to return the favor to a worthy man out there.  I have so much love.  I have such a big heart.  I am ready to be vulnerable and take risks in love.  I want to give my man a massage after he had a hard day at work and to have a nice dinner waiting.  I want to be his coach when he is doing something new in his life.  I want to do all of these things.  But only for someone who appreciates me for my brilliance.  Only for someone who can see my shine.  Only for someone who treats me like the diamond that I am.

So this is the first step in what could be a long lonely journey, but I am ready.  When it's dark I can provide the light because I am a diamond can't you see my shine?