Good Friday!

Today is Good Friday!  Historically, this is the day that Jesus died on the cross.  I have always wondered why it was called "good" when it really seemed like quite the opposite.  According to my sources (Wikipedia) the origin of good actually could mean holy, which makes far more sense.

For me today is "good" for me for a different reason.  Today, I am getting baptized for the first time!  When I tell people that I have never been baptized they are usually shocked.  I mean most people are baptized as children.  But not me!  I am so excited that I will have friends and family who will be witnessing this very special occasion.

While I am getting baptized they will be reading my story.  Now I am pretty sure that it might get shortened due to time constraints.  However, I wanted to share it with you all because it is something of which I am very proud.  Here it is in its entirety:

 A lot of people were surprised when I told them that I was going to get baptized.  I did not grow up going to church.  Sure I went to Sunday school sparingly, but never on a regular basis.  But in my heart I always believed that God was a presence in my life from an early age.  When I was in college I started going to church more often.  It was actually back then at a gospel concert that I officially accepted Jesus into my life. 

I continued going to church in law school, but it was when I came back home to Maryland that I really started to work on my relationship with God.  When I returned, I began to attend church each weekend.  In fact not a week goes by when my mother doesn't ask me if we are going to church and at what time.  Week after week I would sit listening to the sermon with tears streaming from my eyes.  Many times I had no idea why I was crying, but I knew that a change was beginning. 

For the past few years life has been challenging.  I have struggled with unemployment, taking care of my mother, and the feeling that I am not fulfilling my purpose.  But throughout this process I have remained faithful despite the days when I feel as if I have no more to give.  If anything, my faith has grown stronger.  Each day I try to work on practicing forgiveness, patience, and love for others just as God has practiced with each one of us.  Each day I lean on God for strength and guidance.  In fact my favorite passage is: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1 (KJV) 

Some of you may ask why get baptized now?  Well it is kind of like the line from the movie “When Harry Met Sally”, “Because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”  Long ago I decided to give my life to Christ, now I want to start living the rest of my life with him as soon as possible. 

My baptism has many meanings.  It is a follow through to a decision that I made many years ago.  It is a sign of obedience to God.  It is a sign of progression in my faith.  But perhaps most importantly my baptism represents that I have put my trust in God.  It is a testimony that I am walking in faith and that I am not scared to declare to my family, my friends, and the world that I am a proud follower of Christ.

Everyone have a great Easter!

#HoCoFaith

Working vs. Jobbing

Yesterday at Bridgeway Community Church we had a King deliver the message.  Yeah that's right I said a KING.  King Adamtey from Ghana, delivered a message asking "Are You Working or Jobbing?"  He explained that work involves working for a purpose.  A job is something that you do just to exist.  He explained that God didn't create us just to do jobs, but to work.  The message spoke directly to how I have been feeling.  This message motivated me at a time when I very much needed the motivation.

The past few weeks I have been deep in reflection.  I have been processing how I view myself and others view me and it has kind of been a rough process.  One thing that always comes up is how not having a steady job affects other aspects of my life.  Yes I am consistently balancing the funds in my bank account.  And yes I keep passing on buying snow boots to make sure I pay another bill.  I have to skip a few outings and a few fancy meals from time to time.  But all of that is just surface level material things.

The loss of my job and the trouble of trying to find a new one definitely has taken a toll on my confidence.  I now question my abilities and skills and wonder if I am really good at anything at all.  I know I shouldn't think that way.  I don't try to.  But it is hard when you feel like the last kid left on the sidelines for a game of dodge ball.  I sit back and listen to people tell stories from their jobs and about their co-workers.  What stories do I have?  I took a really interesting quiz from Buzzfeed?  I found a great recipe on Pinterest that I will probably never make because I rarely get time alone in the kitchen?

At the end of the day it is not the actually lack of a job that bothers me the most.  It is the fact that I am not fulfilling God's purpose for me.  I started this whole blog trying to figure out my purpose and work on my relationship with God.  I read the Purpose Driven Life and The Dream Giver to help me figure it out all.  It helped and I felt motivated, for awhile. I figured out that I really wasn't too far from what I already knew, that I wanted to help people.  However, with each day that I don't have a job I feel like I am helping no one and that I am letting God down.  Sometimes I truly feel like God wasted his time and talent on me.  Sometimes I question whether my vision of doing great things for others was a grandiose idea that I was never meant to have.

Yesterday at church I realized that I probably am disappointing God, but it is not because I don't have a job.  No, I have let my relationship with God dwindle.  Sure I still go to church every Sunday with my mom.  I take care of my mom.  I try to abide by the Golden Rule.  I invite people to church.  I give money to poor people.  I volunteer.  And now I have even begun the process to begin joining the church.  However all of that is not really work.  At least I don't believe it is the work to which King Adamtey was referring.

Yes, I have been doing some good acts, but it is not enough.  My prayers have been inconsistent.  My reading and learning of the bible has been almost non-existent.  Instead of working for the Lord I realized that I was the one jobbing.  In other words, I was going through the motions for the benefits but not really doing what God needs for me to do.  I have been asking for blessings without putting in the work.  I realized that maybe, just maybe, I have been stagnant for the past few years because my relationship with God has also been stagnant.

So today is the day I have decided that I am really going to start working for God and not just jobbing.  I woke up and got on my knees and prayed.  That is something big for me, I am too embarrassed to say how I usually pray.  I found my guide to assist me in reading the bible.  I am going to get involved with something at church where I am forced to make more than just a one time commitment.  I need to figure out what God needs me to do and maybe I will figure out what I want to do.  It's time to get to work!

Overall, I figured and it was also suggested by one of my cousins, that if I "stay in his face he'll elevate and stretch me."  In other words by putting my work in with God, it will make other areas of my life work out too.  Today I am taking my first steps to get back on track.

#HoCoFaith