Un-Christian-Like Behavior

I am mad.  I am angry.  And I am not sure why no one else is.  You see several states have decided to pass laws allowing businesses to openly discriminate against homosexual people.  They write and enforce these laws under the guise of Christianity.  And that's the problem.  Discrimination is un-Christian-like behavior.  Allow me to explain.

Jesus spread a message of love.  Jesus hung out with the lowest of the low.  The biggest sinners of them all.  Yet he accepted them.  He practiced love.

When we openly discriminate against others that is not practicing love.  We are all sinners.  For some reason people think that there is a hierarchy of sins.  The truth is there is no hierarchy.  Adultery, gossiping, jealousy, homosexuality, murder, they all are sins, without a rank.  Yet people act like homosexuality is the top priority in which we should focus.

I must admit, my views on homosexuality probably don't align with the teaching of the bible.  That is a topic that I need to do more research on.  Regardless of my views, as  Christians, we are taught to love thy neighbor like we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39).  To me it is obvious that the people who think it is ok to deny homosexuals business services on the basis of Christianity are falling short.  Are these same people openly discriminating against liars and cheaters as well?  I highly doubt it.

The irony is that Indiana is one of the states to pass a gay discrimination law.  Ironically, Indiana also just declared a state of emergency over the high rate of HIV in the state.  I think that perhaps the state should take more time figuring out how to eliminate poverty, hunger,  and create economic stability rather than drafting discrimination laws.  I mean really?  Really?!?  I think that prevent people from dying might be a little more important than letting businesses discriminate against gay people.  As Christians we are also charged with the task of taking care of the sick and elderly....

As a follower of Christ, people look to us and our behavior.  To worship God is to live a life and behave in a way that honors his teachings.  When people see discrimination laws crafted by so-called Christians they are turning people away from developing their own relationship with Jesus.  In fact Christianity has been declining.   This is no surprise.  Why would you ever want to be part of a religion that openly treats people like this, that practices hate.  For centuries people have used the bible against each other.  We should instead use the bible to love one another.

Can you imagine what type of world we would have if everyone practiced loving each other instead of hating each other?

Escaping

I have a confession.  Well I wouldn't say it is a confession.  Confessions imply guilt and I don't really feel guilty.  Anyway, I have a a truth to tell.  My truth:  I still talk to my exes.

I am one of those people who would like to actually remain friends with their exes.  Now this is not always successful.  And usually it is the least successful right after breaking up.  But in time a friendship of sorts can be possible.

It has come to my attention that I tend to talk to my exes a lot more when I am lonely.  Up until earlier this week I thought it was simply because I was lonely.  I thought that I wasn't meeting anyone who made me excited so I was trying to re-kindle the flame with someone who I at one point had feelings for.  But this week I figured it out.  I didn't want to get back with my exes.  What I really was longing for was an escape (an possibly a free meal).  Let me explain.

Dating for me is like an escape.  For a few hours a few times a week, I can escape my life.  When I am with someone else I am not the daughter taking care of her mom, I am not an employee, I am not volunteering, I am just me.  I don't have to think about how I will divide my next check or what I am going to get my mom for her dinner or whether my mom needs a nurse during the day.  I don't have to figure out how I am going to pay for the next car repairs I need or when will I finish paying off my student loans.  Or maybe when I am I going to figure out how to utilize my talents to help people.  No, on a date I get to be that flirty, sexy yet intelligent person who I love being without all of the responsibilities.  I can talk about my hopes my fears my interests.  For a few hours when I am on a date is about me.  It is an escape.  And the escape is what I need once in awhile so that I don't totally implode from stress, worry, and fear.

It might seem so simple, but it is a really big deal to me to understand this.  So now I realize that I need to make an attempt to unapologetically schedule in "me" time.  I always tell everyone else that you have to make sure to take care of yourself or you won't be able to take care of others. But the truth is, I don't practice this enough myself.  So now I am going to work on it.  Because I don't need a man for my escape (unless he is paying for a trip to a tropical place then I will consider it at least lol).

The One Who Got Away

Every time that I have some sort of break up I long for the day that the other person will realize how big of a mistake that they made.  For so many years  I have been waiting to hear someone say that I was the who who got away.  Yesterday my wish came true.  Someone from my past told me this very same thing.  Was it magical?  Was it exciting?  Was it a grand romantic gesture?   Honestly, it was rather anti-climatic.  The fairytail that I had had in my head that true love would work out in the end was a farce.  For the message was stale and its delivery was a few years too late.  But still my wish came true.  At least one person realized that letting me go was their bad.

Not to toot my own horn here, but I am pretty awesome.  I know I know, every person thinks that they are awesome or unique and different.  And it is true everyone is unique and different in their own ways.  But me, I am really different.  For as long as remember I was always just a little bit different than everyone around me.  I am a black girl who loves all types of music and movies.  I love to read and write.  I love sports and I love to grill food.  I like museums.  I enjoy asking my co-workers random would you rather questions.  I am a proud former band member who attended many summer camps.  I think that deez nuts jokes never get old.  I make faces at kids when their parents aren't looking.  I compliment strangers with ease.  I got to happy hours by myself and make friends with men old enough to date my mom.  Blame it on being an only child or having a experienced the death of a parent at a young age, I have learned to embrace my quirks instead of apologizing for them.

That is why I would like to think that my "exes" view me as the one who got away.  Because who else are you going to meet that is my blend of confidence, silliness, intelligence, and sexy all in one?  I am the woman who can hang out with the girls or the guys.  For me everyday is the possibility of a new adventure and every person who I meet is a new potential friend.  I can be fun.  I can be a cheerleader.  I can be caring and loving.  I can be a bitch.  I can be a mother.  I can be confidant.  I can be a coach.  And sometimes in the rarest of moments I can actually be quiet.  I can be all of these things.  Apparently I am just never what they want when we are actually together?

Sure an ex verbalizing my importance and value is flattering.  But you know what would be more flattering?  If an ex was willing to fight for me in the moment and not look back 10 years later with regret.  I want to be the woman that men fight to keep instead of being the one who got away.  How do I make this transition?  Who is going to realize how special I am now, in the moment?  Why can't I be the girl who DID'T get away?

Unfortunately, I don't have those answers.  All I can hope is that by continuing to be the person who I love,  I will find the person who loves me because of it.