Monday, January 4, 2016

Welcome to 2016

Welcome to 2016.  Looking back on 2015 I realized why I had so few blog posts.  My life was boring, uneventful, and pretty uninspired, disappointing even.  Yes, I made it through another year, which is nothing to be taken lightly.  But the question I have been asking myself is did I really live?

The past few months have been a blur.  Jumping to the aide of sick family members and playing a support role during grieving is a selfless act.  At times like that you just go into automatic pilot.  You wouldn't believe how easily your instincts kick in.  But there is a downside with selflessness, you forget about your self.

When my aunt got sick and later passed away I tried to be as supportive for my grieving family as possible.  Having lost my own dad to cancer years ago I know the pain to lose a parent.  I tried to make things easier for my family.   I also had to make sure acknowledge my mother's feelings and loss with losing her only living sibling.  At the same time I still had to make sure that my mother's needs were met.  And in all of this, I managed to lose myself.

I lost sight of my visions.  I lost track of my goals.  I stopped going to the gym.  Suddenly things that used to be fun didn't even seem fun anymore.  I didn't feel like I knew myself anymore.  I kind of felt like I was going through the motions like a robot, a robot stuck in a corner.  But I have to WAKE UP.  I need to move on.  I have go to get myself together.  I tell other people all the time that you can't help others if you don't take the time to focus on yourself.  Such an easy concept to say and to never follow through with...

But it is 2016.  A fresh start.  A new year to try to correct what I got wrong last year.  I don't have resolutions per se.  I call mine "goals".  Usually my goals consist of the major aspects of my life.  For each theme I then write steps that I can do to achieve my goals.  To be honest though, I always have a few big overarching themes.  I really just want to be happy and be a better person.

The answer to the question did I really live is no.  But in 2016 it is time to start living!