Too blessed to be stressed. Who came up with that phrase? If you Google this phrase you will find a lot of motivational pictures and even more bible verses to read, a catering company, and even a tv show. Regardless of the number of Google hits this search has I don't agree. If anything I am stressed because I am blessed. HMPF!
Everyday I feel like I am playing the shell game with some part of my life. Rarely do I think everything is great. Usually it is most things are good and something is really bad. Or maybe most things are kind of terrible and there might be one great thing. But I am not sure if I can ever say that everything is great. I am not even sure if I can say that everything is good. Despite feeling blessed and despite feeling grateful for what I do have, I'm stressed.
So why are my blessings stressing me out? Well remember that line from one of the billion Spiderman movies. I am talking about the first one with Toby McGuire. Well Peter's uncle tells him that famous line "With great power comes great responsibility." (Side note, while I was doing the research of this quote I found out Voltaire actually said this line first. You should read about him if you ever have the chance.) Anyway, I feel like when you are blessed you have more responsibility and responsibility obviously goes hand in hand with stress right? I am stressed because I am blessed.
Ever since I can remember I had this thought, this strong conviction in my heart that I was destined to change the world. Even as a child I felt like I had to hold myself to a high standard in order to step into my roll as greatness. It was a feeling of burden. I often felt as if I carried the weight of the world on my own rounded shoulders. And with this burden I often, and still do feel guilty and disappointed and never satisfied. Why? Because I feel like I am never truly living up to my potential. In my mind if I let myself down, I am letting the world down and therefore I am letting God down. Tough way to view the world huh? I am blessed with talents and abilities but I am stressed because I am not utilizing enough to effect change in the world.
I go back and forth from meeting to meeting. I have multiple conference calls a week. I am trying to volunteer once a month. I am beginning to get involved more in church. But I often find myself wondering if I am really making a difference. I am stressed because I feel like I am wasting my blessings. I am not blessing others enough.
While this view has continued into my adulthood it has also morphed with my increased adult responsibilities. In church they always tout honoring your mother and father. And when people see my mom and I together at times people will stop to tell me that I will receiving my blessings in heaven for the way that I take care of her. But at the end of the day I never feel that I do enough. I never have enough money. I never have enough time. I never have enough patience. I am blessed to have my this amazing mother in my life but I feel stressed that I am letting her down.
So I already know what some of you are thinking. My faith is not strong if I am stressed. Or maybe you are thinking God has it all under control so you don't need to stress. Let me be honest. I don't think I am in this upper realm of understanding with my relationship with God. Now I am not saying that I lack faith, what I am saying is I am tired. I feel like I am constantly bracing myself for the next impact.
All I really want to do is blessed others as I have been blessed myself, stress-free. Is it even possible?
When your mother passes away, she will give you a very special gift. She will give you the peace that you deserve. I recently lost my mother and I am so happy that I was able to usher her into the afterlife with grace and dignity. I never thought I did enough to take care of her, but after she was gone....the emptiness that I was left with, allowed me to see just how much I did that made a difference in her life. Unfortunately, there are no do overs and you cannot see this in the midst of living life. I've filled the space and time with other "things" now. I wish she could still be here with me, filling my days with trips to the grocery store, Dr.'s appointments and mundane tasks, but I am at peace. I got an extra special gift from her since I was there holding her hand when she left this world.....I got to look at the face of death and know that it wasn't my time, yet. I'm not wishing for your mother's death, but letting you know that your gift will be waiting for you somewhere down the road.
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