They say patience is a virtue. If so it's one that I certainly don't have. My mind is always go go go and on to the next thing. I fully admit that patience is something that I am lacking. But admitting is only the first step right?
This year I thought about making some attainable new year's goals. On new year's eve I shared a few of them with some friends and they were surprised by the specificity. But the truth is I have specific things I want to work on because I actually want to make some real changes. I think too often with new year's resolutions is that they are too broad and too lofty and therefore easy to not take seriously. But for me this year, 2015 is really about making some significant changes.
For me, I have decided to add increased patience on my my goals for the year. You see my patience issues are far reaching. I have little patience for ignorance, even though I am working on becoming more empathetic. I have increased in patience in dealing with my mom, but I have a lot of work to do. Sometimes, I just get impatient waiting for the someone to send a text message when I see those three dots in the chat. And finally, I lack patience in myself, and in my journey. I want to be in the next chapter because this chapter as seemed a tad bit long.
Patience is something that I have thought about for years. Maybe even on and off I have prayed about it. But today, I decided that I am going to really work on it. The last few days I have had some serious issues with my patience. And instead of ranting and raving like I might have done in the past I have been doing a lot of praying.
At the end of 2014 I heard several messages on fear and trusting God. Essentially what I gathered is that we fear because we are not trusting God enough. I would gather that my impatience is also stemming from a place of fear. Because in many instances I am inpatient because I expect the worst. Therefore, if I suspect that the worst is coming than I would rather approach it like ripping off a band aid instead of slowing taking the band aid off. My catastrophic way of viewing the world is a big problem in my life. It not only contributes to my lack of patience but it also causes me to jump to broad conclusions based on little information. My worst case scenario anticipation causes me a lot of undue stress and heartache. And it is a problem that for the most part I hide very well on the outside. But on the inside, in my thoughts, I am a crazy woman whose deepest fears play on a loop in my head.
So this whole patience is definitely going to be a challenge. But it is something that I think is not only necessary for my health but also allow me to be one step closer to becoming the person who I want to be.