Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Waiting

I woke up during the middle of the night with the theme to a poem called Waiting.  Of course I went back to sleep and never wrote that poem lol.  But I thought that I would write about it instead.

So I had been dating this guy for the past few months.  I decided to not write about it because there were so many more interesting things going on in my life.  No I'm lying.  The truth is I didn't want him to read what I had to say and that alone should have been a sign to me.

Things started off cool.  I was coming off of a self-imposed dating hiatus.  He seemed really into me which was nice.  And he seemed different, but I guess that they all do at first.  The first couple of months seemed cool.  It was the third month that seemed shaky.  We talked on the phone less.  We texted less.  We only had dates weeks apart.  It was in that third month where I started to question whether he was enough.  I pretty much thought that he wasn't, but I did like his company so I waited to see if things would change.

While I was waiting other little things started to irritate me.  He was always tardy.  He didn't seem to listen to me.  He couldn't remember my middle name much less my birthday.  The conversations were often one-sided.  He had a quick temper and was impatient.  I waited to have a discussion with him but it got harder and harder to reach him.  

Last week I was tired of waiting for things to get better.  I wanted out.  I wanted to start dating other people without the guilt.  I told him he we should be friends but I would be open to a discussion about it.  He told me he wanted to have the discussion but not while he was driving.  The discussion never happened.  He went MIA and when he was no longer a missing person I didn't hear a peep.  

Today I realized I was tired of waiting for him to be the friend/man/boyfriend/husband that I wanted because I didn't want to be associated with someone who has such little regard for others.  Turns out when I was waiting for him to get his act together I was really waiting on myself to let go.

He might call me.  They all come back.  But I'm not waiting for him anymore.

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