Saturday, October 6, 2012

We Are Young



We are young, heartache to heartache we stand 
No promises, no demands 
Love Is A Battlefield 
We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong 
Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing 
Love Is A Battlefield 

-----"Love is a Battlefield" sung by Pat Benatar



I am thirty one.  Most of my friends are in their late 20's and early 30's.  Many of my friends are single.  Older people tell me that we are young and that there is plenty of time to find love.  But is that true?

As a black female various media outlets have analyzed the plight of the educated black female and her odds at finding "true love".  The summary is the same, the more educated we are the harder it is to find a man.

Then there is that baby clock thing that concerns everyone.  Since I am not too keen on having kids at this point, my own clock is of no concern.  But to my friends, their clock is beating both loudly and persistently.  I think most people would rather have a baby before marriage.  It has become more apparent through fertility education that once a woman hits 30 her odds of conception is far smaller than when she was in her 20's.  So as a woman gets more into her 30's the numbers are just not in her favor.

Yeah, we are young and not supposed to worry about these things, but how can we not?

You know what makes it the hardest?  The past.  I know I have written about my exes a lot, but they are my frame of reference.  I think that hardest part about moving on, letting go, forgiving, and starting over is remembering the good times.  Because it is those times when you both clicked so well that made you overlook a little red flag here and there.  Being in love is this incredible feeling that you don't want to let go of, no it is quite the opposite.  When you are in love, especially in the beginning you just want to hold on to that feeling as long as possible.  It is that feeling when you think about that person when you wake up and when you go to sleep.  It is the little laughs that you shared and the little things that you found resistible about that the other person that makes it all worth while.

So what do us young folk do?  We struggle and become saddened at the thought that we may not be able to get that feeling again.  That we may never be able to build a foundation with someone who will make us happy.  We began to ponder the thoughts of never having our own Romeo, or Cliff Huxtable, or Barack Obama.

But there is something worse than the waiting itself... it is that feeling that you really maybe single involuntarily for the rest of your life, a point that few of us really discuss.

So yes, we are young.  But I think that we have the right to be worried.  I think we have the right to be loved.  I think we are entitled to a love like our parents had and the right to start our own family should we choose.  But don't lose faith.  And remain hopeful that the waiting, is to your benefit and not your detriment.

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