Saturday, July 27, 2013

Dating Training

I just had an awful experience.  I met one of my last online guys (before I had again swore off online dating). I won't go into detail at this point (he might be reading this), but this makes me really wonder if men have ever been taught how to date.

One of my friends used to express her frustrating with guys and dating. She would tell stories about the guys who did not seem to know how to court a woman and how she wouldn't accept anything less than the best. At the time I didn't agree with her.  I thought well, maybe she is just being too picky and that she should cut the guys a little slack.  However, now I think I tend to agree with her.  It's as if guys have no clue.  Is it our role as women to teach these guys how to treat women?  Let me explain...

What's with the texting relationships?  Personally I love to text.  It allows me to multi-task.  Sometimes the phone makes me feel like I am in prison because I can't do other things at the same time.  I especially appreciate texts now that my phone is a little on the fritz, and I don't see the money to buy a new one coming anytime soon.  With this being said, texting and even phone calls are no substitution for actual face to face conversations.  Another one of my friends expressed her frustration with a guy she talked to on the phone for weeks but cancelled every time they were supposed to meet.  What's the deal?

Once we finally meet it seems to go downhill from there.  I feel like guys do not take into consideration being accommodating to women.  Historically, courting/dating was to woo the woman and not the other way around.  Please select a place that is either equal distance from each other or you come closer to me.  Don't make me go far out of my way.  And hanging out at your house or my house for a first date is never going to be an option.  That is not a date and it is not safe.  You could be crazy, I could be crazy.  Maybe it is worked in the past, but it is not going to work for me, and it is just going to turn me off.  If I chose to pay that is cool but I still think that women shouldn't pay at least the first few time.  If you can't afford the place pick a place that you can afford.  Not all dates have to be expensive.  One of my favorite dates was spent at the park and at the bookstore, it cost nothing.

Be respectful.  If I go way out of my way to see you I am going to need you to make time see me.  Please do not try to double book our time.  If we are getting to know each other please schedule enough time so you are not constantly checking your watch.  Maybe if we are meeting each other for the first time you should not pick an event at which you are working?  And please please please do not constantly check and/or respond to your text messages and phone numbers.  That is just rude.  When I am out with you I want to feel like I am specially and that you really care about getting to know me and spend time with me.  Perhaps if you are working at an event that should not be our first opportunity to meet.

In general my friends and I have the feeling that guys feel like women are supposed to do all of the work.  I am not sure if this is indigenous to the DMV area or not but it seems pretty prevalent here.  My friend thinks that part of the problem is that many men do not grow up with male figures to teach them what is right and wrong when it comes to how to treat a woman.   I think that may be part of it.  But the other part of me wonders if guys just don't even care anymore.  When I see the very professional men I have dated who have terrible manners, it just makes me think all men give little thought into how they treat us.

Women it is time that we stop settling for less than the best.  I am not saying that we need to be wined and dined at Ruth Chris for our first date.  All I am asking for is some thought and effort.  Make me feel like you are really interested and not that spending time with me is your only other option rather than going to sleep.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for commenting! Be sure to share this page with your friends!