I made a conscience effort not to go into too many details about the issue of me and sex. Somethings need to stay personal. I believe that I can still remain transparent, open, and honest without talking revealing that aspect of my life. However, after church yesterday I thought that I should talk about it.
The sermon yesterday at church was on sex. It wasn't your typical sermon though. It didn't go into saying that sex is immoral or evil or a sin. The sermon was more talking about the beauty and the unbelievable pleasure that you get from practicing sexual faithfulness. Sexual faithfulness means being sexually faithful to God and your spouse. After I left church yesterday, and still today, I have been contemplating this issue of sexual faithfulness. To put in more recognizable terms," Should I remain celibate until marriage?"
I am not sure if I am ready to make this commitment. I am not sure if I even want to make this commitment. Right now it is easy for me to say yes. I am not dating anyone seriously. I see no good prospects in the future anytime soon. But what if I do find someone? Can I handle the pressure? Will I want to? I am scared that with the dating pool being so small as it is, that I might never find someone that it is a great person AND someone who would be willing to stand by my commitment to being sexually faithful to God. And if I don't find that person is it going to be 10 years of celibacy only to feel like I have made a mistake? What if I resent God after that?
I don't know. I don't have the answers. All I know is, that I want to grow closer to God. I want to be a better person, I want to continued to be blessed. And I want to get married to whoever God has in place for me. For almost 32 years I have done it my way, maybe it is time for me to do it a different way.