On the drive home I started to drift into many thoughts. I was thinking about how blessed I am for the friends I have. I was thinking that I would love to look as fine as Nia Long is today at 40 while I am 32. I was even engulfed in not so PG-13 rated thoughts of Morris Chestnut and his often shirtless chest.
While all of this was going on, the song "If You Want Me To Stay" by Sly and The Family stay came over my iTunes playlist. It was funny that I didn't even remember adding it, but it was one of those songs that my dad used to play while I was a kid and to this day it reminds me of him. Suddenly, the thoughts of my father seemed overwhelming. I thought about how I wished he was around. I wondered if he is looking down on me. I guessed whether he would be surprised that I am an attorney or if he would be glad. I wondered if he would be disappointed that I haven't done more. Or maybe he would feel guilty for leaving mom and I alone, without him. But the biggest question is whether he would like this woman who I have become. But who am I?
I am fabulous. I am fabulous. I had to say it twice, because that is how much I believe it. It took me a long time to get to that conclusion, but now I have it, I will NEVER let it go. I am beautiful, I am intelligent, I am hilarious, I am caring, I am faithful, I am affectionate, I am appreciative, I am real, I am honest, i am blunt, I am strong, I am loyal, I am thoughtful, I am a motivator, I am hopeful, I am broke, I am persistent, I am a lover, I am stubborn, I am loud, I am giving, I am passionate, I am moody, I am plus-sized and I will eat a damn cookie if I want to, I am a dreamer, I am a fighter, I am so much more in this beautifully wrapped God-created package called me. I am fabulous, and I am not going to apologize for thinking so.
You know what else I am not going to apologize about? I am not going to apologize for wanting a man who is equally as fabulous as me. I am not going to apologize for wanting a man who will realize just how fabulous I am and who will remind me of it everyday. I need a man who will understand everything that I have been through and everything that is yet to come. I refuse to apologize for wanting a partner with dreams and goals and who strives to accomplish them, no matter what hurdles are put in his path. I will not apologize for dreaming of a man who will open my door, watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta with me, rub my back, and then run my bath water without asking for anything in return. I won't apologizing for wanting a man who takes care of his mother, sisters, and kids because that shows me that he can take care of me. I am not apologizing for considering myself a black feminist but at the same time wanting to cater to my man's every needs.
So that's it basically. Fabulous seeking fabulous. Any takers?