Online loving

Last week I decided to give online dating another temporary chance.  I figured it couldn't hurt to try for a week or so.  I re-opened my account on OkCupid and this time I also am trying Plenty of Fish.  The results have been interesting.

OkCupid has yielded very little responses.  However, on POF the responses have been overwhelming.  I have so many messages it is hard for me to keep up.  It is also hard for me to widdle down the pack because  for every time I respond to a message I am getting new people contacting me in return.  I am not saying this to brag, I am just amazed.

The quality of men is also interesting.  The age, level of education, and looks of the men have varied.  In fact in an effort to prevent some guys from contacting me I have the following profile:

For those of you who might not want to read all the way through here is a brief summary:

I think that I am awesome.  I am beautiful, smart, and compassionate.  I also try to be fairly straight forward.  I have high expectations for myself, and therefore high expectations of my circle of friends.  This being said, I know that college is not for everyone so that is not a big deal for me.  However, you must be able to keep up a conversation with me.  This means if you are going to send me a message please use complete sentences and correct grammar.  I am not saying that I am English major, but it is a major turn off for me (and many other women) when I see these errors.

Also, please do not BS me.  If you are just looking for a good time girl I am not your woman.  Yes, I like to have fun but I am not looking for some sort of intimate encounter.  Also on that note, I don't appreciate lying.  We are all adults right?  Let's treat each other respect.  Just be open and honest and I will do the same.

Finally,  NO I am not a man hater.  I love men.  I have many male friends who I think are great people.  I am looking for some other great men out there and I know you are out there.  Trust me there are good, genuine woman out there because I am one of them, you just have to get past my feisty exterior ;)

*** Update I actually scraped all of this earlier today.  I decided to just go for a simpler approach and see what happens.

Even with this profile, I still get those men who abbreviate each word and use no punctuation.  Also which I find more disturbing, I have seen more than one guy who spell their own professions incorrectly.  I mean if you are a paramedic I think that you should know who to spell it right?

And then you get those guys who hit you up looking for no commitment and casual dating.  I don't even know why they bother with me.  In fact I don't know why they bother in general.  I wonder how many women are actually ok with that.  My friend thinks that there is a communication issue between women and men.  She thinks that men sometimes say one thing and mean another and don't see it as a problem.  I don't know if I agree.

I went on my first date last week.  We talked on the phone a few times and texted.  We met at Starbucks.  He seemed like a nice guy with an interesting background.  All was good until I saw his teeth.  It looked like he had popcorn stuck in his teeth from 1999.  After I noticed that I knew that it would never be lol.

But I have some other prospects so I shall keep you posted.  In the very least I am sure I will have some funny stories.

Sex Symbol?

I have an issue and I am wondering if anyone else has this problem.  Somehow, almost overnight I have turned into a sex symbol.  Ok, ok, don't choke.  I am being serious though.  Let me explain.

So as you recall I am single.  My friends and I go out once and awhile to bar or lounge type of establishments.  Me being the most going of the group I am always certain to strike up a conversation with at least one stranger during the course of the night.  But recently I have noticed a disturbing trend, it seems like many of the men I talk to are interested in having sex with me and feel free to tell me this.

This trend asking me some questions.  One, am I oozing in sex appeal?  I mean I think I am fly, but I don't think anything really shouts out sex about me.  I tend to be a pretty conservative dresser especially as I am getting older.  While I have the ability to talk dirty, I tend to not do that with complete strangers!  Two, are guys getting bolder?  Maybe guys thinks it is ok for them to proposition me.  I mean if this has happened to me on multiple occasions maybe it usually works for them.  And as much as it is unnerving I do appreciate someone telling me upfront where their intentions are rather than have a few dates and waste our time.  I also guess that maybe it is a compliment to me that they find me attractive?  But it is also an anti-compliment when a guy does not offer me any respect when they see me as just some woman to have sex with and not a person that they could get to know on a non-physical level.

So does this happen to anyone else?  Or is it just me?  I am starting to lose hope.  Are there single guys out there who might like to date me and treat me with respect in the process?  Let me know!

Remember to follow me on Twitter @thisisDiMo

Happy Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day.  For those of my readers outside of the United States (and many Americans who don't actually know what the day is for), Memorial Day is a day to honor soldiers who have died while serving our country or who have sustained injuries while serving our country which led to their death.  Memorial Day was created from Decoration Day, a day which was used to honor those soldiers who died in during the Civil War.

In all honesty, I didn't know the true reason for Memorial Day until a few days ago.  I didn't know about Decoration Day until today.  Before I thought Memorial Day was to think about all people who had died, to mark the beginning of summer, and to cook out on our day off.  I was so wrong.

It is such a bittersweet idea to think about the many soldiers who have given their lives to protect me and generations before me.  It is bitter because I remember the man who soldiers who are blessed enough to serve and come back to a country that has turned their back on them.  Whether it was the black soldiers who fought in the World Wars to the soldiers who come back with PTSD and other illnesses or addictions and are left homeless with no where to go.

So today while you are digesting your hamburgers and hot dogs or you are brushing sand off of your feet take time out to think how someone else sacrificed for you.

James

While mom and I were on the way to dinner yesterday there was a homeless man in the median.  I didn't really look at his sign or hear his pitch, but I could tell he needed some help.  Usually I am anti-giving money to people who stand in the median.  I am not anti-giving money in general, I just think that the median is kind of a dangerous place to be standing and I don't want to encourage the behavior.  However, I thought fast and remembered that I had an apple in my purse from earlier.  I asked the gentleman if he wanted it and he said he would.  I gave it to him and he smiled and thanked me.  He told me his name was James and to pray for him.

Now the thought of James keeps popping up in my head.  I have prayed for him several times since I met him briefly.  I especially prayed for him today, as today's church service was all about the power of prayer and healing.  But still I keep wondering how James is doing and if anyone else gave him anything and if there is anything more that I could have done.

As my faith has grown and I have progressed in my own spiritual journey I find myself wanting to give more and more.  Many people who are not Christians or who are not strong in their understanding of of Christianity believe that you do all these good deeds and that will get you into heaven.  This is not true.  In my view, you do good deeds and things for others because of your love of God, and what he has done for you.  I do good things because I care about others.  I do the right things because people have helped me when I needed it, and sometimes they were strangers.

In turn, I feel a dilemma at times in that I feel like simply giving an apple or a granola bar or some money is not nearly enough.  I try to give when I can, but I can't always.  Sometimes I wonder if the person that I just walked past or I maybe pretended like I didn't hear really could have used my help.  Maybe it didn't need to be money, maybe it could have been a word of encouragement, a prayer, or maybe just the fact to be acknowledged as a human being would have been sufficient.  And always in the back of my mind I think maybe this is Jesus who I just walked by, I mean really you never know.

So next time you are out and you walk past or drive by your own James maybe you will think twice.

Random Conversations

Usually when you look back at your life and the series of events that shape its course you may find several pivotal moments.  Or maybe even simpler, random conversations, thoughts, or whatever that could have caused you to go one way or the other in your life.  I would say a lot of times people won't realize this until later on, maybe months, or years later.  I think that I may have had one of those defining moments over the weekend.

It all started off much like any other Friday.  I was getting off work and meeting one of my friends for happy hour.  We didn't have a decided plan of action for the night, we were just going to see where the night took us.  For this night, we ended up going to our version of Cheers.  You know the place where most people know your name and it is like your second home.  Anyway, we found a seat and began talking.  The open seat was next to a guy who refused to move and who was obviously into my friend.  After awhile I saw another seat open up in the same area so I proceeded to talk to the guy on the other side of my friend to see if I could sit down.

I can talk to anyone.  My friends know this all too well.  So I had no problem talking to this random guy at the bar to pass the time.  He was a nice looking guy, perhaps not really my taste exactly, plus I kept wondering if he was gay so I was not really interested.  I thought nothing more would come of the conversation than a seat.  However, we began talking for a long time.  Little did I know that this random person could have been a gift to me to help me change my thinking.  Perhaps he was my chance to focus on another aspect of my life that I had admittedly put on the back burner.

I had a deep conversation with this random gentlemen.  So deep that he was able to tell me more about myself than I actually realized that I knew.  The gist was that I have everything going for me and then some, but I am kind of lazy socially.  And no he doesn't mean my ability to socialize, it is more in the dating/romantic aspect.  Basically, I do not put any effort to attracting people to me and getting to know me, I just expect that others should want to on their own accords because I am awesome.

I guess more in my subconsciousness than I realized I have given up trying to really try and meet someone.  I guess I still feel wounded in the process.  I hide some of my sexiness and some of my greatness so I am never approached and never bothered.  But on the converse, I am also rejecting those who might be the ones who have the potential.   How can I be so extroverted and introverted at the same time?  How can I so easily talk to strangers but still close myself from people really getting to know the real me?

So after having this long, deep conversation (that almost made me cry at the bar), I decided to practice what he was preaching.  I improved my posture, I smiled, and I was more inviting.  BAM, I then felt like the Homecoming Queen at prom.  It felt like all of a sudden I was attracting all these men that I would have never known were there because I stopped paying attention and I stopped caring.  Now, they might not be guys that I am particularly interested in and I might not ever talk to them, but that is not the point.  The point is that the wisdom that came from the random guy at the bar was true.  I have everything going for me and then some.  It is time to stop hiding it from others.

Ex-Factor

I started this post a few days ago but when I came back to it just now, I decided to change it.  This is based off of a very touching conversation that I had with one of my friends.  This is a friend who I consider part of my God circle, if that makes sense.  It is a type of friendship that is on a whole different plane because we are connecting on a spiritual level, it's deep stuff man.

My friend asked me how to deal with a break up and moving on.  You see, it was interesting because of the nature of our friendship we often shared our war stories about the guys we are dating without judging the other person and with giving blunt, yet caring advice.  This friend was always the person that I admired for her self-love and unwillingness to put up with anything less than the best.  However, she also has a big heart which made her vulnerable to heartbreak.  So when she came to me to say that I was dealing with moving on well I was floored.

You see, it was not until a few months ago where I actually felt like I had really moved on from my ex.  Most people could not even understand why I was talking to him, why I felt bad for him, why I wanted to try to be friends with him.  But she listened to me and let me vent.  It was a pact that we with each other to get us through.  A little over a month ago I stopped communicating with my ex.  It was for a relatively small reason, but I had just had enough.  I know longer wanted to try to be friends with him.  I was tired of trying to figure out ways to not hurt his feelings and to be the good guy.  I realized that I didn't want to walk on eggshells for someone who never really cared about my feelings and my sacrifices.  So I did something I never did before.  I stopped returning his text messages and emails.  I was just done with him.

But I wouldn't be transparent unless I told you that I still think about him.  I wouldn't be totally honest unless I tell you that part of me wishes that he would really try to get me back and really try to act differently.  I have fleeting moments happy memories that quickly become replaced by my unresolved issues of anger, hurt, and regret toward him.  He was right when he said over a year ago that things would never be the same, at the time I just didn't want to believe it, or maybe I was just not ready to accept it.

My advice to this friend was simple and it is what she already knew.  There is no pill you can take or formula that you can follow.  It takes time.  For me, I have been trying to change my thoughts and prayers to be more God-focused. Meaning, that I am more concerned with how I can fulfill God's purpose for my life.  I think about this rather than asking God for what I want in my life.  I have shifted my energy to focusing on God and helping others instead of being sad and angry and through pity parties for one.  God has said that we will supply all of our needs.  My faith allows me to stand on this principle.  It might be hard to follow but I  let go do the work in my life.

Since I have started putting this plan into action I feel like doors having been opening for me.  I feel like my relationship with God is growing and I have a great hunger to become more advanced in my spiritual growth.  In turn my life is being enriched in other ways as well.  I figure that God took my ex and the other knuckleheads out of my life for a reason and I will just accept that for what it is.

As I was writing this post I started pondering the origin of the word ex.  I was going to end with something cute saying that we call him an ex as an EXample of what not to do again.  But my sister in writing helped me Google the answer, Ex" is a prefix originating from Latin words for "out of, from," "upward," "to remove from, deprive of," "without," etc" Perhaps the true origin is more fitting. Exes are people that we move upward from and we go on without. As hard as it is, we have to make sure that once we are really ready that our ex is not a factor in the new chapters of our lives that are yet to be written.


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Changes are on the Horizon

One of my readers, who shall remain nameless, wanted to know what is making me smile.  To be honest, it is the power of God.

For the past few weeks/months I have felt a stirring in my spirit.  Throughout this ongoing 2+ year storm I have remained faithful and believed that God will supply all of my needs.  At times I have been down but my hope has not wavered and I certainly have never given up.

The past few weeks have felt like puzzle pieces.  It as if God has given me a puzzle piece along the way.  By itself one puzzle piece doesn't make sense, but now I am starting to put those pieces together.  I don't have it all figured it out yet but I am getting there.

I know this all seems very vague, which I understand.  It is a kind of feeling that is hard to describe.  But there have been some tangible changes that maybe will help in my explanation.  As I have been going through this transformation of sorts, I attended my friend's church's women's conference called Beautiful You.  It was a two day conference where women from around the DC area unite in their love of God.  There were various workshops and activities throughout those two days.  It warmed my heart to see so many women together of different generations and ethnicities together in an auditorium sharing the word of God.  It was so refreshing for me to cry and praise and do all those things that are in my heart among my fellow women.  I was so touched to be with my friends and their family.  But what really made this experience great was having my mom with me.

If you know anything through this blog it is that I love my mom, but sometimes she drives me nuts! I had debated for the past few months whether I was going to go and whether I was going to take my mom.  I wanted her to come, I just didn't know if it would be too much for her to handle.  So the week before I decided that I was going to go and take my mom.  My mom had such a great time!  She thanked me repeatedly that day for bringing her and said how much she enjoyed herself.  She decided that she wanted to come next year and she was thinking of other people who we could bring.  My mom may not be the woman she used to be, but seeing her excited to go to church or church activities makes me happy.

Anyway, from this conference I realized that it was time for me to really put some things into action.  I realized that there was a reason why I went to this conference at this time in my life.  It was time to come into my purpose and carry out God's commands.  I realized that both personally, professionally,  and spiritually I need to work on self improvement. I feel that I have had a lot of thoughts and a kind of half plan but I have not totally follow through with it.  Now is the time to step my game up!

So all of this goes to say that I am smiling because changes are on the horizon. I am starting to get interviews again after long lull.  I feel like God is taking some people out of my life who needed to be removed in order for me to focus more on God and my purpose.  But overall, I am smiling because I feel better than I have in awhile.  I might not be where I want to be but I am better off than where I was.  I am smiling because I feel that God is using me for greatness.  I am smiling because I can be a light for others because I am on the cusp of a breakthrough.  I am smiling because very soon I am going to have the most awesome testimony to share.  And I can't wait to share it with everyone.

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