Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Ex-Factor

I started this post a few days ago but when I came back to it just now, I decided to change it.  This is based off of a very touching conversation that I had with one of my friends.  This is a friend who I consider part of my God circle, if that makes sense.  It is a type of friendship that is on a whole different plane because we are connecting on a spiritual level, it's deep stuff man.

My friend asked me how to deal with a break up and moving on.  You see, it was interesting because of the nature of our friendship we often shared our war stories about the guys we are dating without judging the other person and with giving blunt, yet caring advice.  This friend was always the person that I admired for her self-love and unwillingness to put up with anything less than the best.  However, she also has a big heart which made her vulnerable to heartbreak.  So when she came to me to say that I was dealing with moving on well I was floored.

You see, it was not until a few months ago where I actually felt like I had really moved on from my ex.  Most people could not even understand why I was talking to him, why I felt bad for him, why I wanted to try to be friends with him.  But she listened to me and let me vent.  It was a pact that we with each other to get us through.  A little over a month ago I stopped communicating with my ex.  It was for a relatively small reason, but I had just had enough.  I know longer wanted to try to be friends with him.  I was tired of trying to figure out ways to not hurt his feelings and to be the good guy.  I realized that I didn't want to walk on eggshells for someone who never really cared about my feelings and my sacrifices.  So I did something I never did before.  I stopped returning his text messages and emails.  I was just done with him.

But I wouldn't be transparent unless I told you that I still think about him.  I wouldn't be totally honest unless I tell you that part of me wishes that he would really try to get me back and really try to act differently.  I have fleeting moments happy memories that quickly become replaced by my unresolved issues of anger, hurt, and regret toward him.  He was right when he said over a year ago that things would never be the same, at the time I just didn't want to believe it, or maybe I was just not ready to accept it.

My advice to this friend was simple and it is what she already knew.  There is no pill you can take or formula that you can follow.  It takes time.  For me, I have been trying to change my thoughts and prayers to be more God-focused. Meaning, that I am more concerned with how I can fulfill God's purpose for my life.  I think about this rather than asking God for what I want in my life.  I have shifted my energy to focusing on God and helping others instead of being sad and angry and through pity parties for one.  God has said that we will supply all of our needs.  My faith allows me to stand on this principle.  It might be hard to follow but I  let go do the work in my life.

Since I have started putting this plan into action I feel like doors having been opening for me.  I feel like my relationship with God is growing and I have a great hunger to become more advanced in my spiritual growth.  In turn my life is being enriched in other ways as well.  I figure that God took my ex and the other knuckleheads out of my life for a reason and I will just accept that for what it is.

As I was writing this post I started pondering the origin of the word ex.  I was going to end with something cute saying that we call him an ex as an EXample of what not to do again.  But my sister in writing helped me Google the answer, Ex" is a prefix originating from Latin words for "out of, from," "upward," "to remove from, deprive of," "without," etc" Perhaps the true origin is more fitting. Exes are people that we move upward from and we go on without. As hard as it is, we have to make sure that once we are really ready that our ex is not a factor in the new chapters of our lives that are yet to be written.


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