Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. --- Hebrews 13:5
The past few days I have been feeling lonely. I had been working these strange hours at my part-time job and I felt cut off from my friends and family. Well you know what happens in times of loneliness? For me, it causes me to over think and put value in things that normally would not bother me.
I was talking to an old friend this weekend. I don't know quite what I was hoping to accomplish via this email conversation. Turns out the only thing that I achieved was feeling angry, upset and sad with myself, and even more alone. I was looking for this person to fill some sort of void. But the truth is that even though he once was the source for my not feeling alone, it was misplaced. And not only that, but he is no longer that misplaced resource anymore. I had forgotten that even in my times of feeling like I am alone, I am never truly alone because God's presence is always there. Instead of emailing my ex, I should have been cuddled up with Jesus on the couch (a paraphrased stolen line from church).
Today in The Purpose Driven Life, the author writes about feelings as if God has abandoned you. I am sure we have have all felt that. I have felt it too, especially during the past few months. You feel as if you have done the praying and the going to church thing, yet nothing is changing. You hear no voice from God, you have no direction as to how your life is supposed to be. But the truth is, God is always there. Sometimes, it is the separation that we need to test our faith.
Feeling alone can cause people to react in different ways. Most of the time people do not utilize positive reinforcements during this feeling which may cause the effect of turning away from God. However, I realized as I was reading that when I feel alone that is when I need to lean into God the most. I need to remember that God loves me even when I feel like no one else does.