Friday, August 10, 2012

Single is as single does

I'm single.  I mean completely, no potential suitors single.  Am I ok with this?  Kind of?  What do I mean?  To think about it I have been single most of my life.  In the past few years I only really started dating.  Yes, I am a late bloomer, but I don't think that that makes me any better or worse of a person.  I just got out of a two year on and off relationship a few months ago.  Each day gets a little bit better, but it is a a lot harder to deal with than I expected.  I miss that sense of companionship I miss the laughs that we used to share.  Fortunately, anytime I start getting sentimental I become angry.  I am angry at him for not appreciating me, for not fighting for me when times were difficult, for taking the easy out when times were hard.  I am mad at myself for overlooking so many red flags and trying to make him "the one" when he wasn't.

So now I am single and my perspective on love and dating has changed significantly from two years ago.  Now I realize some things that are deal breakers.  Now I pretty much know if someone is for me or not when I first meet them.  I know what I want and don't want and I am ok waiting for it.

But dating is so frustrating!  I keep having the same conversations with my friends about men.  Mainly, that women have put up for with less than they deserve for quite sometime.  We require very little from men just so that we have someone that we can call "ours".  We substitute "hanging out" for a proper date.  In the name of feminism we open our own doors and walk on the side of the street where we could be pushed into oncoming traffic.  What happened to us?  And how do we get back to old-fashioned courting?  That's what I want.  Do you know I have never gotten flowers on a date?  I would love a guy to plan a date that required some listening to my preferences as opposed to him saying "what do you want to do".

Back to me being ok with being single.  I am.  I have faith that the right person is out there for me.  The past few days I have been free from several distractions which has made me do a lot of reflecting.  My reflection time allowed me to really starting pursing my purpose driven life.  So right now that is my focus.  I feel that I need to deal with me and the the aspects of my life before I can even get a relationship.  This is where I stand... at least for now :)

Oh and check this out:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

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