Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Are my expectations too high?

Are my expectations too high?  After my last relationship ended I decided that I needed to make some changes in my expectations of my potential suitors.  I think I have written about this before, but I believe that women have allowed men to get lazy.  I think that men do not have to "court" women anymore because woman don't demand to be courted.  It is understandable though.  Part of it is that maybe we have never truly been courted in the first place.   The other part is, that maybe we are just so desperate to find love and companionship that we are willing to cut corners and relax our standards in order to not feel lonely.  We have become to comfortable with just "hanging out" or having a first date chilling on the couch watching tv.  Those are not dates, those are examples of lazy dating.  Or even worse, examples of not really valuing you enough or wanting to commit to even going on a real date.

I will admit, this was me.  It took me a long time to come into my own and realize my own self-worth.  Shoot, I still have issues with it now too.  I want to find a man who appreciates me.  I want to enjoy his company as he enjoys my own.  But, I need to be treated like a queen.  I mean even treating me like more than the help would be a step up at this point.  I want to know that a man is really interested in me.  I want to see that he is making an effort to woo me.  Is that too much to ask?

I have tried various methods of dating.  I meet people both in person and online.  But the results appear to be the same, terrible!  I was talking to one of my male friends about this the other day.  I told him that one of the new guys I am talking to acts like he is really interested and looking forward to going out and getting to know each other.  However, he barely returns my texts and phone calls, and made a half-ass effort to ask me out and then never followed through.  I can only think that this type of behavior is something that would continue if we were dating.  At 36, I believe that you should know how to court a woman, correct?  That makes me think that he is either not truly interested or he is just lazy.  I over thinking?  My friend told me that "women are impossible."  But I don't think that wanting a man to show the effort to get to know me is asking too much.

Or another example is man I met a few weeks ago while I was out.  He asked me for my number.  He told me to call him.  I already thought this was a red flag.  If a guy is truly interested shouldn't he feel free to call me?  I mean HE asked ME for my number, not the other way around.  Anyway, after a few texts and phone calls that went nowhere I didn't hear from him.  I deleted his number last week, and I am not looking back.  Why even bother asking me for my number if you plan no follow through?  I don't need anymore phone or text buddies.  I felt like I should have followed my gut in the first place and never called him.

My girlfriends tell me that I am sometimes too judgmental and that I do not give guys a chance.  But I think that actions speak louder than words.  How many chances should I give to a potential suitor who is really not trying to be suited to my expectations or needs?

I am lonely.  And it is the holidays.  The thoughts of ringing in the New Year with my mom sound very unappealing lol.  However, I realize that right now maybe I am supposed to be alone for a reason.  I still would love someone to sweep me off my feet though and I don't mind waiting for it.  If that makes my expectations too high then so be it.  Hmpf!

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