Thursday, December 13, 2012

Guy Friends Please

For years I have been told this idea  that it is hard to make friends after a certain age.  You know after college and after you settle down into a job meeting new people is nearly impossible, right?  Until recently, I never believed it.  Why?  Because I am a people person.  I meet and make new friends all of the time, so I didn't see the big deal, until recently.  While making new female friends is no big deal, it is making guy friends which has become my problem.  I love my girlfriends and everything, but sometimes I just need to talk to a guy.  Maybe because I like to hear his perspective on life or just because I want to talk about sports or something different than clothes and The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I realized that my plethora of guy friends has dwindled.  Now many of my male friends are either in a relationship or in a different state.

Now I am on a quest to make more guy friends but how do I start?  Last week I literally interviewed a bouncer at the bar to see if he was a qualified friend.  Ok, so that is a little corny, but I was having a bad day and it passed the time pretty well.  But this can't be the real way to do it, right?

Then there is this fine line between being just friends or being someone that I potentially want to date.  It reminds of When Harry Met Sally.  The whole premise of the movie was that men and women can't just be friends with someone because someone wants to sleep with the other person.  Now I do not believe that this is a steadfast rule, but I do think that it is accurate most of the time.  

The thing is when I meet a guy I am not first thinking that he would make a good friend.  No, I first assess if he is someone who I would date.  Then if he is not a person that I find that I find dateable, then I move into assessing whether he is friendship material.  The truth is, this should happen the other way around.  Because as the saying go, don't friends make the best lovers?  

So what are my perquisites for a guy friend?  Well he has to be funny.  He has to like sports that is a definite.  He has to be willing to listen to me and give me advice about guys, and I can give him advice about girls.  He just has to be a nice guy who I can trust.  Maybe someone I can hang out with once in awhile.  You know like a road dog that is ready to get up and go somewhere without asking a million questions like what should I wear and does it matter if I look cute or not.  I guess he is like one of my girls without being girly.  And probably it would help that I am not attracted to him.  I just feel like that makes things too complicated otherwise. So I don't think I am asking for too much am I?

But let's back up.  What happens when we date a guy and then decided that he isn't someone we can see a future with?  Do we say hey let's be friends?  Maybe sometimes, but most of the time I would say at least for me, he becomes someone who I never talk to again.  I have been on many dates in the past (despite my drought right now).  I actually went through my phone to see how many people that I have dated (dating meaning have gone out with at least once) in the past who have remained friends, 6.  That is it.  Think about how many other guys who I have dismissed but who could have been great friends, and might have had other great guy friends who could be my friends now?

I guess the lesson of this post is that I should be just as open to making new guy friends as I am to dating guys.  And perhaps, male friendships should take the priority of male relationships, well maybe lol


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