Sunday, December 9, 2012

Stronger

So on Tuesday I received an email from my ex.  I honestly thought that he wouldn't have had the balls to contact me.  But he decided to email me, a very un-ballsy way to apologize if you ask me.

I will paraphrase his apology because I don't want to put all of his business out there.  Basically he said that he was sorry and that I probably still hate him and he gets it.  He said he was having some family issues that had stressed him out.  And that he didn't handle the stress the correct way and that he was sorry that he hurt my feelings.

When I read this I hesitated.  I at first contacted some of my trusted guy friends.  They both agreed it seemed legitimate.  That he had a decent excuse but blowing me off for it was not the way to handle it.  I debated whether I should even respond, as I declared a few days ago that I was done with him.  However much I want to be done, and I mean really done, I don't believe in kicking people when they are down either.  So I decided to respond.

My response:

I am sorry to hear that.  Perhaps if I had been armed with this information from the beginning I would have reacted differently.  A friend is supposed to be there for you when things like this happen.  I thought we were friends.  But since you didn't feel like sharing this with me sooner puts that into question.  Normally in situations when I am blown off I get mad but I eventually let it go.  Throughout the years I have tried to be there for you, I have tried to help you, I have listened to you, I have been patient, and understanding even when i don't think you have really deserved it.  I have been a good friend and a good girlfriend. But you continually shit on me time and time again.  I think you have made it evident that you don't want anything with me much less a friendship. I can't keep being hurt by you over and over again it just isn't healthy.  There has to be some sort of change.  Since you aren't changing, I am.  I hope everything works out with your kids and you.  Have a good evening.


So far he hasn't responded.  I doubt that he will, at least not right away.  I am partially bothered because if I do something wrong and I know I am wrong, I go out of my way to try to smooth things over.  I want him to do that, some grand gesture to show that this two years was not a waste.  It doesn't have to be a trip, or jewelry  but those would be nice, a card would even suffice.  But I get nothing, and I probably won't.  And I think this is what stopped me from ending things sooner, because I knew that he would not care enough to fight for me.

My friends think that while my words were strong they were not enough and didn't really provide closure.  I disagree.  I feel more empowered then I have ever felt.  Part of me wishes that he would have never contacted me.  Part of me feels sad because I do care about the issues that he is going through.  But it is almost a new year and I need to start off fresh.

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