Monday, December 9, 2013

Practice What I Preach

So yesterday I wrote this motivational post about waiting on God and remaining faithful blah blah blah, but today I am down in the dumps.  I am not sure if it is because this is the third day that I have basically been in the house all day.  Or maybe it is the billionth day of cloudy, rainy, gray weather we have had lately.  But I just don't feel like this big ball of positive energy.  How am I supposed to help and inspire others to their greatness when I am not even believing in my own?  Why am I not practicing what I preach?

Yesterday I said with confidence that I need not to be faithful and trusting of all my worries and fears.  Today I am back to worrying and beating myself up.  I know that God said that you only have to have a mustard seed of faithful, but perhaps there is something smaller than a mustard seed that we can negotiate on?

Being unemployed really can mess with your psyche.  I know that many of my friends probably think that I watch Wendy Williams and Maury Povich all day.  I don't, trust me.  Some of my other friends think that my time should be spent at the library from sun up until sun down applying to jobs.  Yeah, I don't do that either.  My day is spent as a balance of making sure my mother isn't burning down the house, taking her to doctor's appointments, looking for and applying to jobs, cleaning and doing household chores, and not curling into a ball and becoming invisible.  Earlier, I actually did text one of my friends earlier saying, "I want to curl up into a ball and become invisible."

Today my friend and I are supposed to be creating our vision boards to use for the next year.  We did it a few years ago and it was an interesting process, but I am not sure how much it helped.  I tried to back out of it, but my friend didn't make it easy enough for me not to go so I made a vow that I should show up.  But I am wondering how can I make this stunning vision board when right now the only visions I see are of overeating and overdrinking myself into a peaceful slumber?  I mean how can I have a vision when I have felt so stagnant for the past few years?

But I am going to pull myself out of this funk and I am going to stop having a pity party for one.  I mean I am way too cute to have a party by myself.  And more important I am way too blessed to give up and lose focus on my purpose and what I am supposed to be doing.

So shout out to my homegirl who inspired this post today and inspired me to get up and start practicing what I preach!

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