Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Where My Passions Lie

Since this blog has turned into my open book on feelings and emotions I feel like it is important to share with you something that I have been struggling for in the past few years.  To summarize I suppose the issue is that I feel like I am not following my passions.  Let me explain...

When I was younger I always wanted to be a writer.  I started off writing poetry.  I placed second place in a local competition once.  I was even published in the magazine Seventeen.  Shoot, I ended up going to a journalism camp when I was in high school.  I was sure that I was going to be the next poet laureate one day, but I hadn't put much thought into anything besides the title itself.

Some where along the way my interests shifted.  I think that when I saw the movie Mr. Smith Goes To Washington that I set my sights on the White House.  And for many years I was serious about it.  My friends surely remember me introducing myself and saying that I was going to be the first black female president.  My AOL IM screen name was even adia4prez.  While I was in college I always made sure to never be photographed with a drink in my hand as I thought it would come back to bite me as I was being vetted for my presidential bid.  But life happened.  Reality sunk in.  Being president is not easy, just look at President Obama's hair in the past few years.  I am too cute to go gray like that honey!  Of course my dreams of politics were also set aside make my family a priority.  Plagued with unemployment and struggling to take care of myself and my mom's leftovers my once squeaky clean image probably will never make me eligible to run for anything anytime soon.

I went to law school to help people.  I always give this stump speech in interviews and when I meet people about wanting to be Angela Davis but not wanting to get arrested.  I thought that I naturally was going to become a public defender or a community activist that would work for the people with the people.  I have done some of that.  However, much of my dreams have been left unfulfilled.  These days I feel like I am my happiest when I am volunteering at a soup kitchen.  I still haven't really figured out how to satisfy my passion for helping others will not being in line at the soup kitchen myself.

I sometimes have this flashes of greatness.  I tried to describe it to my friend the other day.  I have this flash of where my life is heading and being able to testify about my testimony.  But the flash is just a flash, so quick that I can't really feel it or touch it.  It is like I know it is going to be there, but I have no idea how to reach it, no idea how I can see it again.  I had a flash this morning.

This morning one of my friends I met during my stint in law school wrote me a touching message.  I won't go into detail to maintain her privacy.  However, she starting by compliment my blog saying it was amazing and "ditto" to all the thoughts that I share on dating, unemployment and the such.  Later today I received another email from a friend who said that she loves reading my blog.  A few days ago I received a compliment from a friend who I haven't talked to since high school and she too reads my blog!

So what's my point in all of this?  Maybe all of my dreams have not yet been fulfilled.  But ego aside, maybe I am helping people through this blog.  Perhaps by pouring out my thoughts and feelings on the interwebs that others can relate and know that they are not alone.  Maybe by putting a few words together and sharing them with they world that I have inspired someone else to do something that they have always wanted to do but have been putting off.  Maybe?

I just wanted to end with saying thank you!  I never know who is reading or what they are reading but I appreciate it nonetheless.  I am truly humbled to know that maybe I am actually living my dream out loud in a capacity I had never imagined. Please continue to read, comment, and share with others :)

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