A few weeks ago I wrote about how I was torn with trying to be friends with my ex. I am slowly trying to, I suppose, ween myself away from him. I don't call him, I stopped texting, and I don't email him. And even though it was hard, it is been a week since and I still haven't responded to his last email. But it still makes me feel sad.
As angry as I was, and maybe still am, I am starting to feel better. No longer to I have a bombardment of thoughts as to kicking him in the baby maker. But I still wonder sometimes what he is doing, and even who is doing whatever with. It all kind of hit me a little bit for the start of the football season too. Normally it would have been us cooking and watching football together or going to the bar together, but this year I am watching alone, or working so I don't even see a game at all.
As good as I have been I still miss him, especially the this week. Last week I started a new temp gig. We used to have the joke that when one of us gets paid we both get paid, but I didn't share the joke with him this time because I didn't talk to him. Then this week I had an interview. Normally he would have been the first person I told when I got the interview and the first person I called after it finished. Instead I didn't contact him at all. And after the interview I just listened to NPR all the way home :/
So I must admit I am going through ex withdrawal. But I think that it is exacerbated by the fact that I feel kind of lonely and have kind of given up on the whole dating idea, at least for now. I just feel so ambivalent about the my romantic situation and I am starting to feel more and more that there is no man out there for me. I know I am young and I still have time, but when I look around at what is available I feel like just hibernating until I am 60 lol. I hope someone proves me wrong!
But I guess I am growing, healing, and learning. This whole process is making me think different about life and the kind of person who I want to be and the kind of person that I want in my life. And in time I will be better for it.